Get the joke? Baka-rash-ii.

Hahahaha. Oh well.

I am in agony. I have seemingly developed an allergic rash from something and it has been bothering me since I have been back home. I can only deduce several things from it. Either my bedsheets/linen on my bedroom in my parent's house OR the conditioner I have been using. I don't think the conditioner is an issue, as I always use that type of stuff. So it has to be my bed. Time to change it. NOW. Even though its half 11.

Well I'm taking precautions now. Changing the sheets and going to Tesco tomorrow to buy the conditioner that served me so well and didn't make my entire body turn into an itchy red blur. Let's hope it goes when I go back to Sheffield and aren't exposed to this house which is seemingly one giant allergy to me.

Ah the sudocream, it does nothing... NOTHING!!!

14 days to go until Sheffield has to tighten its stomach muscles and close its mouth...

It now Saturday, Boro are just an hour away from embarrassing themselves at home to Stoke (the last time we played Stoke at home we lost one nil in the pissing rain) and I'm now having just weird random thoughts about my life and my future life at Sheff.

I seem to be thinking about losing things I don't have, wasting things I haven't bought and forgetting things I haven't learnt.

Anyways, I have only been to Japan twice in my life-time. Once last February in 2007 for a week and previous to that way back in 2005 when I didn't know any better. I feel a little underwhelmed having not lived in Japan and having not spent the long summers camped out in the middle of some ryokan in Magome-juku with a bowl of natto and a damp futon for company. However that is the experience I feel now. A sense of complete isolation from the world. A complete disconnection from myself and the things around me. I need Sheffield, whiskey and some Japanese people to reel me back in and get me back to my (un)usual self...

In many ways however I feel more confident and buoyed by the fact that my Japanese is not that bad - and its capable enough having not lived in Japan for a long period and having only just started studied this language two years to the day last week. Before then, I couldn't read, write or speak anything - and now I am being politely undermined by the Japanese リチャードさんは上手ですね。 God, I hate the Japanese so much sometimes. LOL. You can never tell if they really think your Japanese is good or are just humouring you. Credit to my flatmate, who will cut it straight with you - a rarity for a Japanese person.

I am now in the advanced stages of planning my second year - and I'm having to budget A LOT, especially now that I am travelling over the summer as well as across Japan next year (hopefully.) My parents are doing the softly softly approach of dropping hints whenever I mention travelling next summer ("better start saving then...") So far I have about £500 in savings, which should see me across Siberia. Perhaps I should just stop there, find a rustic town, teach English to the locals, marry the beautiful mayor's daughter, settle down and forgot all this Japanese rubbish. Or maybe not...

God I think I'm going insane.

I need some Sheffield to calm me down.

Timetables are now out, albeit for Linguistics and here it is;

Wednesday - 12:10 - Lecture Theatre 6 - Hicks
Thursday - 12:10 - Lecture Theatre 4 - Hicks

Well I only have one module!

As anticipated, I have pretty much all of Friday off! If Nagai-sensei allows me to come in earlier on a Friday of course. I would happily get up at 9am, just so I could have the rest of the day to myself... お願いします先生。。。 -_-

I can't believe the folks on ELL220 (language politics, Policy and planning) however. They have just one 2 hour lecture a week! Grrrr. This is the module I wanted to do, but wasn't allowed to, because it was overbooked. I'm still sorta happy doing Lexicology though, even if there is an exam and essay. No seminars does kinda make up for things however.

Wednesdays are officially a bitch!!! My week is almost like a sandwich with all my stuff packed into the middle of the week. Heh. The tutorials are basically stuff for our year abroad and are apparently quite informal. Sadly it looks like my other module "Understanding Japan through Contemporary Texts clashes with my Lexicology lecture and the other seminar thingy is straight after my Lexicology lecture on the previous day! So there is three different modules in 3 hours - back to back. I hope to god, they can see the light and change the timing ever so slightly just to give me a break. Come on SEAS sort it out and release some info for me! The pressure is killing me.

Obviously this is only provisional so I anticipate them to be switched to later time in the day. The department themselves have even said they prepared everything as not to clash with anything. -_- Hmmmm.

But potentially having all of Monday and Friday off is just: mwahahaha. *o*

Went to the gym today for the first time in ages and my back is now very sore. Plus I also can't remember any of these goddamn kanji. I hate them so much. >o<;

Also my Japanese friend asked me what 'rueful lament' is in Japanese. I can't even find 'rueful' or 'lament' in my jisho, so his guess is as good as mine. Just shout what you think it is really loud and most English people will get the gist I reckon. Hell, who needs English teachers when you have the power of shouting at will, the most arbitrary and inane things in your language?

SSSSTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOMMMMMMMPPPPP - STOMP!

PS: I've reached 4 days so far. Things are looking good.

Copy of the email I sent yesterday afternoon:

Guys, I’m sick of getting asked of what tunes I played, so here is some of the playlist from Monday night’s bash – I can’t remember the exact order, but I’ll try and make it as full and accurate as soon as possible.

These were the Japanese ones I played that seem to be garnishing the most queries in my mail box. Some of the remixes were done by various people off the net and I have no idea what they are called or who to credit them to.

Neon Genesis Evangelion OP – remix
Lucky Star OP - remix
Airman ga Taosenai – team nekokan
Tori no Uta – trance remix
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya – “Hare Hare Yukai” vs “God Knows”
Kigurumi – Kurutto Mawatte Ikkaiten (remix)
Figu@Carnival – “Gacha Gacha” Cu-te (remix)
FictionJunction YUUKA – “Hitomi no kakera”
Utada Hikaru - “For You” vs Breakbot - “Stereo Provolone”
Ayumi Hamasaki – Boys and Girls remix
Ayumi Hamasaki – Greatful Days (Para-One dub remix)
Eri Nobuchika - “Voice.” vs Strider – “Tokyo Loading”
Shinichi Osawa – “Ami nyuu ku tsu” (Simian Remix)
Ayuse Kozue – “Kimi no yasashisa” (remix)
Emi Hinouchi – “Summer Time Love” (deckstream remix)
Teriyaki Boyz feat. Emi Hinouchi – “Paradise Baby”
Eri Nobuchika – Sing a Song
Shinichi Osawa – Electro 411 (Lies in Disguise remix) vs Touhou Project
Touhou Project – Marisa wa taihen na mono wo nusundeikimashita
Utada Hikaru – Colors (DJ Ericz remix)
Omodaka – Kokoriko Bushi vs Cantana no 147

I hope I've not missed any out!

Me and my friend who shall remain nameless (although for arguments sake let's call him Shinji Murakawa of Tokyo/Golders Green) decided we would piss around on facebook and start creating fake accounts.

One such instance is where I created a fictional woman who was in love with Murakawa. Now, she has never posted anywhere else on facebook yet has seemingly received a bizillion friend requests - for someone that doesn't exist and is the deluded creation of me and my Japanese mentor. What's even creepier is that one of my created male personas (who I have written countless times into my short stories) has even had emails from completely randomn people either claiming to know him or commenting on his beautiful name.

His name!!!

There is no profile picture and no way to access what is actually on the profile page without being a friend! So what else is there? I guess his wonderful, yet rather dull and prosaic English name. His parents should be proud. If they existed or I could be bothered to create them of course.

Its times like this, that I just want to stay well clear of sites like facebook and treat everyone with huge suspicion. It seems that SNS's are now just divine vehicles were people show how fucking sad they are by having photos of them passed out at somebody's house (me notwithstanding) or them standing infront of Siem Reap to prove how much they are wasting their student grant and want the rest of their 567 friends to know how much better they are than you.

Over this time of facebook fraud, we've had some creepy e-mails and now me and Murakawa are wanting to take this a step further by culture jamming / annoying perverts by creating fake accounts for sites and seeing how many responses we get. One such site is a Japanese friends site. Its not an overt dating site and if you can keep your dick in your pants you can make some cool friends on it as I have done. Perhaps the fact that people are so desperate to find a J-girl online, shows that they could never do it in real-life and lack some type of social confidence, not just around J-girls but girls full stop.

In real-life of course, J-girls aren't stupid and unless you have possession of the gaijin charm you will get found out. They ain't stupid as much as Murakawa tells me and as easy as my Nagoya friend Yukari makes out. And yes, I have been 'out' with Japanese girls in the past, although my experience isn't as full as some -its possibly more so than most who have got 'yellow fever.'

I am tempted to test the water, by altering my account so it looks like I am a fun-time happy, even burikko J-girl who just wants some free eikaiwa. What kind of responses will I get? And does this offer a glaring insight into the mind of the community out there? Surely guys can't be after just one thing? Or maybe they are?

In the words of the late Emperor Hirohito...

Oh I do despair the folly of my army generals sometimes.

Its times like this that I hate to be a gaijin and even worse that I am self-confessed lover of foreign girls (although I am not exclusive to J-girls like some people.) I feel sorry for some J-girls who, are often blinded by their gaijin love, end up falling for complete pricks because they can't see the wood for the trees which is evident amongst most English people.

People often ask me: would I marry a Japanese girl? Probably would be the answer. It would kill my parents for 6 months though.

But would I make it my life's ambition that ultimately turned me into a walking bell-end?

Alas, even I am not that sad!

But sadly its inevitable - I shall be turning into a walking bellend soon, turning into a walking enigma that is the gaijin nanpa-machine come August 2009. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!

STTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMPPPPPP!

Should have called my blog this in hindsight.

To prove how much I am committed to detoxing my MSN habit (bad women, bad thoughts go away NOW!) I have uninstalled MSN messenger and won't be installing it again until October at the very earliest.

We shall see how committed I am to this. I am truly sick of that thing now, its like a demon that won't go away and I'm fed up with uploading it to see who is online. Grrr. I remember doing a similar thing for while, and the first four weeks were a bitch, but now I hardly ever think of it. I guess the same goes for any addiction you have... I don't want to think waywardly any more. Let's see how far we can do this in conjunction with something that always takes my fancy. My wonderful beard.

Here goes the first photo in a truly wacky experiment. What does beard growth actually look like? The rest are going into facebook/Flickr in due course - but here is Day 1 to which I can look back against in a few weeks and see how well I have managed to stick to my agreed schedule.


I look very gaunt and pale tbh. Check out those jowls. However I look like I have aids or something. LOL. I look much older which is really strange as I always thought my beard made me look older! God I really miss my beard now! I also need some tea tree oil for these damn spots and my redness. Grrrr. off to the shops tomorrow then - and back to reading the salivating epic that is Language and the Lexicon.

I'm back in the UK now, armed with a shitload of beer to get a Rhino wankered and a stolen 30mm round from an Heavy Machine Gun (just don't ask...)

I'm still single regardless of what I say, and I'm still wondering why Gerrard never produces that kind of form for England? Both counts are frustrating for me...

I really need to get some sanity back into my life and stop hoping things will happen when they won't. To quote my long since departed friend (whose name shall remain nameless);

Only when you are happy with yourself, will you ever be happy with someone else.

Never a truer word spoken.

I'm itching to get back to uni and just itching to forget all this bullshit heartache that has panged me for the last 8 months. Hell, I'm single. I'm damn proud to be, and I'm not going to let it get in the way of what I'm going to do. Sadly, although I really like Yukari - she and I are will never be more than just good friends, even though I would love it to be more than that. But in my heart of hearts I want something more tangible, real and associative. I'll just be who I am, become happy and good things will happen to me. Being sure of it, makes it more likely to happen I reckon.

Anyway, being single does suck - and am I slowly learning to fucking love it. Only since I started uni and hanging around a lot of cute girls did I realise that I wasted a huge gap in my life since I broke up with my ex.

Here's my new uni resolution starting next week;

- Get the hell off Facebook and MSN (its not healthy to spend so much time peering at how sad other people are...)
- Get a g/f (easier said than done - I thankfully stayed single in the first year, which was a huge relief for all concerned.)
- Join a gym
- Join a sports society (probably Badminton or Jiu Jitsu)
- Find time to do something creative and constructive at least once a week
- Read a fictional book at least once a week.
- Get myself out to the pub at least once a week.
- Don't get drunk more than once a week (might nullify the previous if I'm stupid, but what the hell.)
- Yeah, don't be stupid.
- Eat healthy (no more stodgy fats and comfort food that makes you feel depressed.)
- ENJOY EVERYTHING (I may drop out, I may join the circus and become the next president of Nepal, therefore I have to keep a positive spin on things.)
- Finally, Take advantage of things given to you. And be more fucking socially active.

Man, that's a lot of things.

Anyway, I'm now in the process of writing up things for my new flat and preparing to get back into the swing of uni work by spending the next 3 weeks camped inside Teesside Library.

I still haven't received my timetable for the 2nd year yet, which is kinda annoying because I have to start planning what I can and can't do next year. It seems pointless volunteering to do something if I have a load of work to do or come off the backend of a seven consecutive lectures (well not really, but you get the point.)

Strangely this year, I will be having less contact time than I did in the first year. Last year I had four allotted things to go to for Linguistics and now I just have to stay awake during two lectures. However I am expected to read a shit load of books for it. I actually feel more energised doing this as last year I seemed rather perturbed by being forced to do my modules last year.

Lexicology still haven't released any info over times yet, so provisionally my timetable could be looking like this;

Monday: 9.00 - 10.00 - Japanese Grammar (you;d think this would be a pain, but you don't know my grammar teacher! ;-))
Tuesday: 12:10 - 13:00 - Japanese Grammar
Wednesday: 11:00 - 12:00 - Japanese
Wednesday: 13:00 - 14:00 - Lecture
Thursday: 10:00 - 11:00 - Japanese
Thursday: 12:00 - 13:00 - Lecture
Friday: 9:00 - 10:00 - Japanese

If sensei is reading this, I prefer the early morning affairs - because I'm usually more awake. Thankfully last year we had grammar classes at 12, 10 and 9. Hehe. Somewhere I have to sandwich in two lectures and I will happily pay for them to be on Monday, any time after 11am on Tuesday. I want that Friday free goddamn it!

Overall its shaping up quite nicely. I just wish MOLE would fucking update so I can have a gander around the files for next year. >o< I have managed to download the listening exercise for week 1 of Japanese and my reaction is...

Holy shit. Well I understood the basic gist and its about Bob (the legend of Sheffield) preparing to study for his year abroad in japan. The problem with my listening is that I always understand the least important bits and don't focus on the main stuff. Well, apparently his friends want him to do his best! Its not as if I struggle to understand what is being said it just takes a while for my brain to join the dots and get the overall picture. I need a lot of practice in this!

Lastly I am making changes to my summer travelling plans. It looks like I will not be going to SE Asia as planned and am deciding to shelve it until one year later (still going on the Trans-Siberian though) - more info on this soon...!

I remember Nagai-sensei (the legendary Japanese grammar teacher of Sheffield) was trying to explain to me the notion of being shocked びっくりする and used the example of, if I hypothetically went to her office and told her I will be leaving Sheffield and quitting Japanese.

Hmm. I suppose its always nice to have sensei on your side. My advice to anyone would be to speak to sensei and get her on your side. I suppose, ability will show but hard work will always shine. I'm sure even if you aren't the best at what you do, but give 100% and get help then that counts for something, and its something I'm always impressed with. The people who come with no Japanese ability whatsoever are the people I really admire the most on this course.

Overall I have mixed feelings over the second year, but if we have a more relaxed approach and smaller groups I may just feel that I have something worth fighting for... I will also feel pretty shit if some good people drop out, because there are such nice people doing this course and it would be a bastard to see them not doing the degree any more.

I'm just itching to start even though I feel very unprepared for all my modules so far. And for what its worth 上手じゃないよ！

Been so long wince I blogged my feelings and aspirations down. Maybe its due in part to my current job/holiday in France and also the fact I have nothing noteworthy to write because I'm stuck in a rut for 4 weeks until I return to my spiritual home of Sheffield.

At the minute, I'm suffering a crisis of confidence with my Japanese (mainly because I haven't studied at all for a week now.) I am also feeling pretty shitty about being single because its timeｓ like this, I just want to ring some girl up and do something mind numbingly boring. At least female company can keep me sane and not incessantly ruminating over my work.

So aside from ducking and weaving all these kanji compounds and vocab (*urgh*)　I am starting to plan my trip next summer. So far I'm working out the logistics and its going okay. I'm intending to make it up as a go along, although funds may hamper my attempts to backpack across SE Asia and most of Europe by train. I may negate visiting SE Asia altogether however I know I really want to go - even if it bankrupts me before I go to Japan.

And on the notion of that, I might not even go to Japan if I keep on feeling really low about my Japanese ability. I really want to pass this year, just to give myself a feeling that I am able to do this. I passed the first year okay - but something tells me until my exams in January, I still won't feel 100% confident about things. There is no question I feel much more confident going into this year than the first year. I feel a certain level of superiority now and almost a burden to be something greater. Maybe things will fall into place now, who knows... I have certainly got rid of my previous hangups now - and just want to slide into the second year and make the most of it. If I fail, I fail - but I want to do so without feeling like shit all the time.

Well, as for my round the world trip, I have sought out companies and providers who can get me to Moscow in 3 days from London (for the pricey sum of £188! which doesn't include visa fees for Belarus + 3 days worth of food) and now I have to work out the complicated matter of stopping off in Irkutsk (near Lake Baikal) and Ulan Bator before I end up Beijing. The rest may just be made up on the spot. Well, anyway - the very worst I can do is end up Beijing and tour around China until I go to Japan, although the trip across Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia is one I really want to do. If I could get to Moscow for under £100 on plane, I would happily negate my devotion to the train and end up flying. It might be much cheaper for me in the long-run. I'm not going to visit any of the countries I pass through (France, Belgium, Germany, Poland, Belarus) so maybe I should fly straight to Moscow instead.

Finally, Yukari said she would be coming to the UK in November. As much as I believe her, I don't think she will come (its very expensive for just one week.) I'm playing my cards close to my chest with regards to her at the minute, because something is praying on my mind with her. She clearly likes me, but we'll have to see how much she likes me. Women eh? Aren't they just the greatest?

PS: My contract for my flat was finally e-mailed and I'll be moving in on the 13th! Finally!

Conditionals are great, and more than likely you are used to hearing them in everyday speech. If I was a millionaire I would become rich etc etc. If Boro can win a match, I wouldn't be sad every fucking day etc etc.

なら

なら is sorta weird because its used in a similar sense to ば and たら however again the nuance is slight. Unlike the former two, なら expresses a similar sort of nuance to the following;

日本へ行く時に、新しい服を買うつもりだ。
日本へ行った時に、新しい服を買うつもりだ。

What do you mean, you don't know the difference? !!! Well, the first would imply that you intend to buy clothes before you go to Japan, whereas the latter would suggest you will buy new clothes after you go to Japan.

なら is sorta similar, in the sense it implies the required action and preparation before you do something in the conditional sense.

今夏中国に行ったら、「紫禁城」に訪ねたほうがいいです。
If you are going to China this summer, you should visit the "Forbidden City."
今夏中国に行くなら、お金をためたほうがいいです。
If you are going to China this summer, you should save some money (before you go.)

Get it?

Japanese is full of these implied meanings that underly the sentence.

ばいい

Sounds like a Japanese sheep doesn't it? This is a great little thing to use and effective once you know how to use. Sort of like the Rhyno gun on Ratchet and Clank.

If you understand the conditional ば to mean If (something) and the いい is good. Then of course the overall meaning would be "If X is Y, then it is good." Or there abouts. This type of construction tends to be used along with another conditional. For example,

道に迷ったら、交番に行って、けいかんを聞けばいいです。
If you get lost, all you have to do is, go to the police box and speak to the police officer.

My translation would be;

If you get lost, go to the police box, speak to the policeman and all is good. ^o^♪

I suppose for anyone deciding to study at Sheffield my advice would be;
日本語は難しくなったら、先生に話しに行けばいいですね。
If Japanese becomes difficult, all you need to do is go and speak to sensei.

ばよかった

Same as the above, but this expresses the regret at having not performed that action. Hence;

先生に話しに行けばよかったんだなぁ。
I wish I had gone and spoken to sensei. >o<

ばほど・だけ

This is hard to explain, at least for me. Its like, the more you do something, the more something happens. たとえば time;

日本語は勉強すればするほど、やさしくなる。
The more you study Japanese, the easier it becomes.
毎日運動すればするだけ、けんこうになる。
The more you exercise you do everyday, the fitter you will become.

Because many sentences in this type would require a resulting or changing state, になる and にする are often used. The basic construction of the sentence is;

XはVerb conditional+Verb dictionaryほど・だけ

I'm struggling to use this one, even though it is damn effective.

Volitional forms

The volitional kinda expresses funnily enough the speakers volitional or desire to perform a given command, or as expressed in Japanese (Let's do!):

はい！頑張りましょうね！^o^

This form is useful for certain constructions in Japanese.

ようとする

ようとする basically has two meanings.

The first meaning is to express the attempted action of something (and more often not, an unsuccessful attempt at that action.)

夕べ好きな番組を見るようにしたが、テレビが壊れていた。
Last evening I tried to watch my favourite programme, but the TV was broken.

The second meaning is to express the idea of something about to happen. It can be used as a conditional or a resultant clause with と　and たら・ば

ドアを開けるようとすると、妻が部屋に入って来た。
As I was about to open the door, my wife entered the room.

ようと思う

ようと思う expresses the idea as you would have guessed of thinking of performing a certain action.

今夏日本へ行こうようと思う・思っている
This summer I think/ I'm thinking of going to Japan.

Note the difference between the standard dictionary form of と思う and　the present continuous　と思っている. The nuance is slight and the latter perhaps suggests a continuing thought of performing the desired action. Its too hard for me to explain.

ように言う・頼む・進める

This is kinda similar as above and the verb should give you a clue. It basically means to ask someone to do something or suggest/request, depending on the verb. It can also be lovingly used with the passive form to create some great little phrases.

ウエートレスにシェフの名物を注文するようにすすめられた。
I was recommended to order the chef's special by the waitress.
医者に毎日果物や野菜を食べように言われた。
I was told to eat fruit and vegetables everyday by my doctor.
午前四時だので、友達に寝ように言った。
Because it was four in the morning, I told my friend to go to bed.