I apologise. There I've said it. In the heat of the moment I said some things I shouldn't have. natwest and my lovely uni don't deserve to feel the wrath of my visa application. I concede defeat - it was 100% my fault.
I've now realised my time in Sheffield is very, and I mean very short indeed. If things go to plan, I should be finished once all my exams finish - pending girlwhohappenstobemyfriend (who finished a few days earlier than I do and whom I need to say "goodbye" to - cos I won't see her for a while.) I'm scared both how quickly this year has gone and how quickly the time will go. Before I know it, I will be spending my £500 LEA travel allowance in a Macao casino. ^^;
My exams (only two!) are on the 28th of May (Contemporary Society) and 4th of June (Japanese IV) So I should be finished in less than 6 weeks. I think its 30 odd something days. I've also noted one curious thing about the exam timetable. Because a bank holiday falls amongst the exam dates - the uni decided to shift some of the exams to a saturday. A saturday! Work... on a saturday! Whatever next...
My Japanese is still declining. I'm trying to watch some Japanese TV - as this what got me to my previous level. When you don't surround yourself with the language its just so hard. My sakubun (my daily written homework in Japanese) is practically finished, a rare first - so its off to the library tomorrow for a good ol' session of doing all the work I was supposed to do during the holidays. I've written about 80% of my contemporary society essay (due in next Tuesday) and will get my new assignment for classical Japanese soon. All in all, I'm managing the work but perhaps struggling to absorb anything effectively and use this practically for the exam. Don't even get me started on the Contemp Society exam. For that, I'm just going to hope I can wikipedia all my knowledge in the coming weeks. The stuff on homogenity is a given after I did during my minorities stuff - but the economics and constitution etc etc will need to be typed up next weekend.
Finally, I'm tempted to go to Liverpool next month to see the bloody brilliant electro-meisters from Japan, 80kidz. -_- Their new album (as you've seen by my twitter updates) is just immense.
Well, another week to go as my 6 weeks (well 5 and a bit!) of fun begin...
Jaaa ne.
Seems my girlwhohappenstobemyfriend is ignoring me again and we are unable to do anything together in this lovely sunshine - thanks to a combination of having her sister come and visit her from Japan and me being stuck 100 odd miles away.
I've still not got any funny e-mails from Japanese people wanting English lessons yet. I should really check the inbox as some of them are riotous. On the notion of riotous, if you want a good laugh - then I recommend you check out the personal sections in metropolis.
Metropolis is basically an English language paper for the Tokyo community. my favourite section is the personal ads which range from men wanting to find the odd Korean sado-machist in Shibuya to the bored Japanese housewife - who in no uncertain terms is 'married but free' and is searching for a 'foreigner to have fun with.'
Native English speakers only btw... XD
This thing just keeps delivering quality material. I also stayed up until 5am the other night scouring through them. Its become an addiction. Maybe with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend currently occupied I can find some additional female company. ^o^ <---- That's my sexy face btw.
Jaa ne.
I am now stuck at home in Middlesbrough. Bored. Depressed and panicking... The reason for all of this? Having Natwest as a bank. I am now relying on them to send my financial details through the post, so I can finally get my visa sorted. They send me absolute shite day after day but no bank statement. I just know... know in the pit of my stomach that the statement I receive won't be correct or will have some errors on it. Even worse, I'm doubting it will ever arrive in the post. I am now in an absolute state. I just know, that something will and no doubt, is, going wrong.
I've been screwed out of a visa application both by my uni in Sheffield and by my bank.
I am now rejecting both of them, once all this shit has been sorted out. Personally, Sheffield University can go for a long walk off a short pier. This uni is dead to me, as of today. I have four weeks of teaching and two exams left. And that's it. Natwest oth, can just die. Because I want to take my money elsewhere. They have the worse policies in the world and can just rot in hell. I do not want their custom anymore.
On a final note, I am sick of Japan right now. Sick of this language and sick of everything to do with Japan. I have six weeks of this shit left and just want it to go away. I don't give two shits about the year abroad. It just seems like a complete waste of time and effort.
Turns out the forms weren't good enough. I have to get up early tomorrow, bike all the way to town, shout at my bank and then send the new forms off. If they don't write me a good enough letter, heaven knows what that is - then I just won't bother anymore. I can't be arsed. Japan is such an annoying country - full of annoying little things that grate you. I'm not even there yet and I'm still cheesed off with the entire process. I have decided indefinitely to shun any responsibility to my university here in the UK next year. Quite frankly, I don't care anymore.
Right now, I very much am not into the idea of doing a year abroad in Japan. I want to go to Japan. But an entire year out there, with no money and wasting a year where I could be doing my degree here in the UK - just seems rather pointless. Perhaps all this will change - but one thing is for certain, I am not the same person when I started this degree. And more to the point, I am a not enthusiastic about going to Japan as I once was. Sorry, I am not enthusiastic about going as an exchange student.
The whole thing seems rather turgid and stale.
I'm going back to Sheffield this weekend - as I've grown tired of the things around me here - and I'm getting no work done whatsoever.
Recently for Japanese class, we have to start producing blogs, mainly to improve our Japanese and also as something cool to do when in Japan.
I have decided to keep this blog, but will use another blog for the purposes of writing in Japanese and updating my progress on this course and in Japan. I'm not sure if we will be assessed on that or not, but at the moment I have to upload it with pre-approved things about Sheffield and Japan etc.
You can see my Japanese blog (at the moment just one introduction sadly) by clicking the little 日本語 icon on the top of the page.
Hisashiburi doesn't really cut it does it? I've really neglected my blog recently due to a tremendous work-load and the previous three and half weeks of having no laptop. Eek! Several huge events have taken place since I last blogged. Only this simple smiley (m(_ _)m) can redeem myself for being so grossly negligent to the blogging community (aka my flatmate who stalks reads this blog via his Iphone.)
Well let me begin with a few things that has happened over the past few weeks, even months since I last checked in.
Firstly and perhaps majorly, I won't be getting a scholarship for next year. I wasn't "considered" for the Seijo one, so instead its gone to the other girl I'm going with, and I also was disregarded for the JASSO one. In fairness, I would feel a sense of guilt taking Japanese taxpayers money for being totally inadequate when it comes to studying. I didn't deserve free money and didn't get it. I'll leave the generous gifts of cash to my parents.
Which brings me onto point two. This resulted in a late Easter scramble for a bank statement of £6000 in order to apply for the Visa. This is because I need to show I can support myself whilst I am in Japan. The reality is, I can't - and it was only the generosity of my parents that has saved me. In the past few days, I have been sending a few e-mails off to my representative at Seijo University in Japan (the uni I will be at next year) and have just sent off my statement to him yesterday. I pray to god its acceptable.
In the process of point of 2, I noticed one thing, well two things actually. Firstly the lack of proficiency in English when dialoguing with my co-coordinator in Japan and secondly how this will affect my placement next year. I was told some minor horror stories of how Seijo is a completely Japanese place with minimal international students and very few staff who speak English. Bless him, his English was good and understandable, but not of course fluent to any degree. This is going to work in my favour a lot. I know many of my colleagues on my course who are being shipped off to huge, vast universities where there are tons of English speakers and its 'oh so easy' to drift into the international bubble and never get out. Going somewhere, where there will be a handful of native speakers (sure French and Belgian speakers may speak English - but its not their first language!) will force me to speak Japanese and integrate. This got me thinking about my own psychological barriers sometimes. I am a curious fellow in that I tend to shy away when I have borders or walls that can protect me, yet when I know they are not there (for instance, if I am alone in some foreign country or place) I turn into a really friendly and confident guy. I think I internalise this as me knowing I am unable to hide behind anything I use any social fear I have to my advantage. I am now, believe or not, starting to look forward to next year. Up until recently, I was either not thinking about it or totally apathetic about the whole experience. But now, looking at some photos, watching some news, reading some random info I found about how to use Suica cards etc, I am getting really really excited. Its fast becoming a nervous excitement due to the relative time scale. The past 8 weeks, since I hastily came back and had a date with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend has flown by, just mindblowingly flown by. When I come back after this Easter break, I will have very little time left. Around 6 to 7 weeks! Thankfully, I only have to two three hour exams to pine over, so I'm feeling a bit more relaxed when I did this time during Christmas.
Where on earth has year II gone? I would like to know, seriously... >o<
Point 3 is that things are going well with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend or friendwhohappenstobeagirl which ever way you put it. We are close friends and will continue to see which way our relationship goes, especially when I go to Japan next year. Certainly, the fact I will be there and she will be within accessible distance, means that its something that can be continued. Like I said previously, its just nice to have female company - but I'm not forcing anything. I've been burnt in the past and just want to enjoy things right now. I personally think both of us are happy where are relationship is at now. I'll leave the mindless skirt chasing to the rampant yellow-fever androids that seem to encircle me at Japan Society. Honestly, I can show 'em a ton of places in Tokyo they can go to if they want a nice J-girl to sodomise for a spouse-visa. Wow... did I really say that? But more importantly, are they actually thinking that?
Aye, point 4 is that although I am increasingly besotted with the idea of going to Japan next year, something is telling me its not for me long-term. But we'll see how that plays out. At the moment, I'm focusing on the short-term and want to see this degree through to the bitter end. I would love to work somewhere more progressive in Asia other than Japan, which seems to be ridiculously expensive and most definitely overhyped in its assumptions by us gaijin. I always think the people who believe the world begins and ends in Japan are the very same who think the world is flat and have such narrowed views. There are so many different cultures and people out there - and by telling yourself studying Japanese opens your eyes to a different culture is just self delusional - because for the most part, it reaffirms a certain narrowmindedness act of self-rejection to everything else in this world. The same people I see who study Japanese, do so and seem to distance themselves from any fixed reality.
This said, there are many people in my year and who study Japanese who are really awesome and are just wonderful, amazing people - who I believe will be rewarded for seeing the reality whilst being able to live the dream. A juxtaposition of metaphysical thought that I DO believe can be achieved when the word Japan enters your head. It is not a state of mind or being. Its just a word. The happy, calm feelings that enter your head are just something that Vonnegut would have you believe as there to simply counter the bad ones.
Point 5 is that I have decided when I come back from Japan next year is to enroll on an advanced TESOL course (Teaching English as a Second or Other Language) after I graduate. This gives me the advantage or a) having a degree b) having some teaching experience during my YA and c) having an actual qualification to show for it. This gives me the chance to work teaching English anywhere in the world once I graduate! And hell, who needs Japan when the world is my oyster!
So where does this leave me?
I am now determined to do the following when in Japan.
1) Be active when in Seijo, basically because it will look really bad when they find out they didn't sponsor me! I have also concocted an evil plan which I will reveal when the time is right.
2) Get a nice teaching job.
3) Meet new J-friends
4) Improve my spoken Japanese through 3) and 1)
5) Visit Yokohama with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend
6) Finally drink some scotch with Taka in Hiroshima.
7) Improve my Karaoke skills
8) See as much as Japan as possible
9) Discover Japan, reject it and then rediscover it again.
10) BLOG MORE!!!!
I still think 7) is m favourite, but most definitely I am looking forward to 9)...
Well all that is moot - because to get to Japan - I have to study! I am have decided to give myself a week off and will be back to the grind of kanji/sakubun/translation practice next Monday. Ugh.
See you later.
