A week never seems to pass by and I am spammed by constant Mixi messages and e-mails about joining some sort of International Party （国際交流会）or 'Event' in Shibuya and Roppongi every weekend. Normally the events are billed at the whopping cost of 2000 yen (about 500 yen more than some club nights in Pongi) and are often swamped in a see of English.

The offennding site that gained my ire this week was;

http://internationalparty.p-kit.com/

2000円？高そうな！詐欺だ！そういうことは全般的に自由だと思った。

And if you don't speak Japanese, I'm saying (or is it writing?) 2000 yen is a bloody con and I thought that such things as networking were free in this world.

I appreciate such gestures now and again but I have a few pertinent questions that need answering whenever I receive such mails. Firstly, who actually makes money off this? And secondly is who stupid enough to want to go to these things anyway? This might seem blunt but I simply can't comprehend the answers for either of them.

I thought such things as social networking were free? I can understand if you market this as some type of speed dating thing but its clearly a social mixer for gaijin and Japanese people. I suppose if you want a quickie, there is always Gas-Panic and if you want a language exchange there are practically tons of ways to engineer this (such as various internet sites and newspaper ads.) But this seems to fall into a grey area of not knowing where to fall (or even stand.)

The problem I have is that I am struggling to know if such things exist because of foreigners in Japan who refuse or struggle to integrate or whether it is the problem of the Japanese in not accepting foreigners into their own country. Why do we need to have these things? Surely if we were active enough, everything would fall into place.

Oddly the Japanese are exactly like the British. Perversely obsessed with what goes on outside our little island but as soon as it dirfts upon their shore they hide away and universally double-think it to death. It'd be cool to have a [Japanese/gaijin/American] friend but I am sure as hell not going to go up and make the first move.

On an initial front, especially from my own experiences the Japanese can be very cold and very awkward when it comes to dealing with foreigners. Foreigners or 'gaijin' represent the concept of 'uchi' and 'soto' basically the ins and outs of Japan. For the most part Japan is punctuated by plenty of social groups which range from what school you represent and where you grew up. It explains why Tokoyites remain slightly aversive to people from Osaka and how a Waseda student will never fraternise with a student from Keio university. Gaijin are eternally 'uchi' to the Japanese 'soto'. As much as any dreamer will try and have you believe the Japanese will never fully accept a foreigner no matter how 'jouzu' their Japanese is or how well they bow and slurp their noodles.

Such markets represent something of a growing danger for Japan, one which stems from the mass commercialisation of 'foreignhood' in Japan and also of the apparent holes within Japanese society.

Firstly, by making money of such events you are allowing it to be corrupted by those ignorant enough to abuse the system for their own ends. Thus you can get a nefarious cocktail of any number of 'eigo-bandits', 'eigo-leeches', 'ounetsudansei' and 'gold diggers'. Worse of all comes from the fact that although some companies and NPO's will make tireless efforts with good intentions and in immense faith it can be turned over to money making machines who see no interest in fostering some type of international relations but merely to make as much money as possible.

Secondly, and slightly more crucially to the main point of my article, is that the mere existence of such 'events', especially those on a wider, mass-scale expose a certain level of failure within the Japanese system. It becomes more apparent that such issues as internationalisation and cross-cultural boundaries are failing - in part to such issues as 'uchi' and 'soto'.

Unfortunately many people in Japan, and it goes without saying this applies to a lot more countries as well, are still fairly ignorant when it comes to foreign countries and cultures. We still live in a world where the boundaries are scribbled in with a pencil and coloured in with blotchy ink. We still think of the Japanese in a certain way as industrious sexually repressed technocrats and they still think of us as those blonde haired Hollywood types with funny noses. Sadly this is continued more so whenever these international events are advertised and sold to semi-gullible twats in Japan. Replace the word International with the word 'America' and the gerund 'meeting' with 'speaking English' and you have a fine summary of what a lot of Japanese half expect at such events. I will draw from personal experience my time in Osaka and Himeji when me and my friend Chris were constantly mistaken for Americans despite the fact we spoke British English and ironically self-depricting ourselves every six seconds. (the above site avoids this misconception but there are worse ones out there which flow down this line.)

Unfortunately, for the Japanese foreign countries extend far beyond America. Believe or not, if someone has white skin, there is great statistical possibilities they will not be American. America itself is not even as close to being totally Caucasian if you compare to countries such as the UK and France - even with the number of immigrants and those descended from immigrants.

Its perhaps this startlingly high level of ignorance, along with the fact I have absolutely no interest in speaking English that I tend to avoid these events like a man covered in honey next to a swarm of killer bees.

However, something is changing inside me and believe it or not I am starting to understand even with my massive reservations and criticism why such events must or even have to take place in Japan. For one thing, the Japanese will never ever take it upon themselves to attempt to make conversation or break from their structural norms in daily life. Unlike the British who can be quite reserved in daily life, we have our places for social interaction and areas where one can forgot the norms of society and vent free (often for most places this is the local pub) for the Japanese even the most open izakaya and liberal ramen shop in the world will never change the spirit of the nation.

Lastly and probably more pertinently to the whole discussion of the issue, is that of language, both for the Japanese and for the foreigners themselves. As the vast majority both share a sense of reservation about their abilities and connections. No-one is willing to guess that all Japanese can speak fluent English as much as a foreigner can speak some level of Japanese. Here in Tokyo, you are branched into two main categories; either you are a foreigner able to speak Japanese or you are a foreigner that can speak none at all. Such events actually tear down this presupposition and presume parity on both sides upon which there is a common consensus and language to be shared; be that Japanese or English and be that from a zero to basic level to practically fluent.

It is with these deep considerations that whilst I freely look upon such events with some type of annoyance and confusion, I have been borne with being able to see some new found value. I feel now I am able to understand to a certain extent why these events exist in Japan and why they will probably still exist for the foreseeable future. I just really wish they would stop using my e-mail for the purposes of international communication.

What a curious day. It started with a crush and ended with one. And although the meaning differs there was a stroke of genius and several train tickets bought in between.

Firstly I somehow managed to wake up late and end up ten minutes early to my grammar class at 9am. God bless the wonderful 'commuter express'.

The trains over here during the main rush hour periods are something of a joke and if you are unfortunate to take the more earlier ones between 8.15 and 8.30 you are in for a squash. Oddly the ones after that are ridiculous as well but not as bad as the 'real' one which I boarded today at 8.30. Eeep.

Another curious thing is that the Japanese generally are ridiculously polite and are very mindful of other's personal space. But during a train journey it simply can't be helped that you are gonna squash someone and get in their way. This is simple a process of 'shou ga nai' ('nothing can be done', but more poignantly 'just get on with it'.) Therefore on the trains you tend to see Japanese at their worst. So far I've seen several drunk salary men, one whom decided to sleep length-ways across the 'priority seating' and a few very loud schoolkids. The very worse though tends to come during these rush hour journeys when the Japanese seem to leave their little polite world behind and its a basic free for all. Getting dibs on seats is a must - hence the mad rush by the obaachans once the door opens. The second is getting off the train. Basically you can push people out of the way and it is not always necessary to say 'suimasen' (although obviously it would be nice.)

Today was one of those days where I ditched being the nice English gentleman and decided to do as the Romans do. Its becoming a recurring thing as I get used to life over here. So despite being stood fairly central to the exits I managed to push about three people aside, stepped on a old geezer's foot and then just casually strode off the train with a sense of guilt that would be to evaporate the moment I climbed the escalator.

It still doesn't pail the experience of last week though, when I simply 'guided' an old lady off the train because she was a little stuck at one end and then decided to grab my short tail and hang on for dear life as a I made a parting of the suits like Moses in a business conference making way to the coffee table. It was also the same day that when I arrived at campus I was said 'hello' to by a quaint looking Japanese fellow. It was very surreal as its the only time I have ever had this. Just a complete random stranger say something to me in English. It was actually rather uplifting after the monotony of Tokyo life in the morning. Like a small petal that floated up from somewhere and danced in front of my eyes.

There are always two ways when riding the train. The way into Shinjuku and the way out of it. Pretty much 90% of the time, the train heading into central Tokyo is a pain in the arse and relatively squashed up until you hit Shimokitazawa (the gateway to Shibuya) or Yoyogiuehara (the gateway to Asasaka, Roppongi and Ginza.)

The ride back is in complete contrast (bar the last train home and rush hour) when its just as bad as going there, if not worse. It becomes a lottery of getting the cute schoolgirl to be squashed up against or the ojiisan with halitosis. I just stand there, restraining my loins and think of England whilst my Ipod blasts out electro.

So after a mild squash into Shinjuku, I headed into the local Midori no satsuguchi (basically a ticket desk) and bought my Seishun 18 kippu. The wonder of this ticket is pretty much simple; you pay 11,000 yen during the holidays periods to have 5 free days of unlimited travel in Japan. Whilst this sounds great, there is one huge drawback in that you are not permitted to travel on trains which require advanced booking (such as the limited express and Shinkansen.) Therefore what should be a relatively simple 2 hour journey to Osaka from Tokyo is turning into a 9 hour marathon from my digs here in northern Kawasaki to Osaka station involving about 7 transfers at various stations. Cue Christmas Eve I say... I can't wait for this little journey.

However the added bonus is that having the ticket has allowed me to travel to Himeji for a day - which is awesome, as its been on my 'to see' list for a while since I got here.

Ultimately though, it may be long journey but you get to see the countryside of Japan and actually get to witness what this place is like outside the big cities which is sadly lost when you are hurtling down a track at 200km per hour.

Trying to expunge these thoughts of trains for a moment brings me onto my second focus of the day as I headed on over to the amazingly wonderful store named Don Quixote (ドン キホーテ) in Shinjuku.

Don Quixote is pretty much hard to describe. Its like the offspring of a department store and a hundred yen shop, where you can buy some really quality goods at low prices as well as some absolute bargains. And the most important thing is that they are freaking everywhere in Japan. The main idiosyncrasy of the store is its narrow little aisles with everything squashed up together tightly as you have to weave in and out of customers coming and going. The products line the shelves up to the ceiling and there is no such thing as a floor map. Quite frankly its like a labyrinth of the tacky and cheap.

Although that sounds like a really bad thing, its actually not - because if you root around the store for a bit you will find some killer products available. They have some awesome t-shirts and some really quality niche items like jewelry, belts and trainers. But above all, its the little things like Keroro-Gunso hats or some sort of Purin toy.

At first I entered to buy myself a really cheap Santa hat for Christmas but in the end I bought myself what can only describe as a ridiclous impulse buy, one of those things you see and say to yourself "I must have that!" Probably the greatest tracksuit I will ever have the fortune of buying over here.



Genius. For those of you who are not adept at Japanese or seeing the blurry image. The front says ナンパ師 which means something like 'pulling/flirting teacher' whilst the back says すいません、ナンパです！ - sorta like 'excuse me, but I'm pulling/flirting here! or I'm gonna start to pull you'

I simply have decided I must wear it when and if I ever decide to go to nanpa.

As well as that, I bought myself the aforementioned Santa hat as well as a cool red t--shirt which I clocked and thought was pretty smart. I don't have any red t-shirts in Japan and apparently its a lucky colour, which might help my nanpa in conjugation with the tracksuit. *ahem*

On the way back to Seijo, which as you would image was relatively 'ojiisan with halitosis squash free' I bought my new commuter ticket, only to discover that upon going back to the exchange office at the university I needed a fancy receipt so I could I get the rebate back from them. D'oh.

During these two visits I was introduced to a student who was interested in going to Sheffield next year as an exchange student from Seijo. I think her main concern was the fact she has learned American English even though she spoke with what I considered quite a British accent. Weird. Any ways I have no idea who is coming to Seijo next year and who indeed from Seijo is going to Sheffield!

Funny times. Oh on the way back home I stopped off at OK supermarket and saw what shall be known as from now on as 'Supermarket Girl', which is a funny little story I shall relay in due course. Needless to say it pretty much sums up my love life and is one of tragic romance tales I am desperate to make into realtiy, by either nanpa with my spiffy new tracksuit or by turning it into a slushy Japanese TV drama.

I have had two major accidents befall me in Japan recently. One is self-imposed and the other, more damningly was thrust upon me.

Firstly is the rather sad news that my Ipod was stolen in the gym two weeks ago. If I could choose a place to inadvertently place down my Ipod I would have choose the gym for many reasons but namely because it is in my university, it is in the gym and the people there are less likely to steal something. My emotions ranged from shock, horror and then a sense of outright pity.

To be honest, I know in many ways this type of thing would never happen in the UK and the fact that Seijo has only 4000 or so students and even less who go to the gym, and even less who were there that hour it had got knicked I feel nothing but pity. I feel safe that any Japanese person who uses the student gym at Sheffield will be much more safer than the other way around. Of that I am sure. It certainly offers me new light to these claims of a 'crimeless' Japan from moronic chinless gap-year pseudo-wunderkinds. The feeling of being relatively safe everywhere you go is a bit of a myth to be fair, you still have to keep an eye out for sneaky bastards. Japan may be a good country but it is not perfect. Put your guide-book down for once and smell the natto. True as some claims about Japan may be, once you live here and experience the reality of the place - your trite claims are nothing. I take your three week vacation to Shinjuku and piss all over it.

I am glad that I have since calmed down and mellowed out since last week, but there is no denying I feel a little bit ashamed that Seijo have taken me in and had this happen. I think they must be feeling very very embarrassed at the manner of one of their students. Like I say, my university reputation is being enhanced here whilst the process is being inverting the other way. Very sad indeed.

What makes me even more sad is the hours and hours of music that I had placed on the Ipod which were now lost to the ages. Thankfully, I recovered most of the good stuff later on.

The second such cock-up of the week involved an accident between a small amount of Chuu-hai, a screw-driver and twenty thousands milligrams of rage. With that, I destroyed my laptop. Me not being the technical person I was unsure if it was the BIOS that failed, the disk-drive itself or possibly the large whack I gave it once it decided to crash upon for the umpteenth time.

After being constantly fed up with Vista I decided to take the plunge into the unknown and purchase a rather spiffy looking Macbook Pro. I am considering an early Christmas present slash scholarship stipend splurge.

Admittedly not the most cost effective product you are gonna see on the market, after scouring the internet I used a popular online purchasing and selling site and managed to bag a brand new Macbook Pro, 2GB, 250gb HD for just over 700 quid, well to precise it was 1,110 dollars US. The sweetener came in the fact the shipper offered free worldwide delivery and in only 5 working days too!

So after a week of waiting and watching Japanese TV to kill the boredom of a week without a computer (which incidentally after the last time I went with internet in mt flat hasn't relented on the abhorrent quality it produces) I came home last Thursday to discover DHL had been, gone and left a giant sticker hanging outside my door telling me in California Governer stylee that they'll return. Although this being Japan you have to ring the company up and tell them when to deliver it. Because I live in a mansion (no not that type of place, but a sort of post-apoocalytic ferile concrete block to house single people in Japan) they have to come when you are around and can smell the noodles from your kitchen.

After lots of keigo (polite Japanese) and apologies for being a foreigner, I waited patiently last Friday for it to arrive. In order to kill the boredom, I relented my soul, released my sphincter and sat through the most nauseating shite Japan has to offer on its crappy analogue TV services, waiting patiently until it arrived like a misbehaving six year old who sits in the corner trying not to do something bad as he wants Santa to give him that Scaletrix replica of Le Mans.

6pm arrived... some shite about food and a cute girl getting excited over a boiled sandwich dipped with egg.

Still no Macbook....

Unsettling.

7pm... some equally disturbing shite on the news about a dead woman, a kid being hit by a train and the world's love affair with Barack Obama.

Still no Macbook....

Urge to kill being to surface.

But just after the news from Copenhagen that the world will end under a cloud of sulfuric acid and before I managed to destory yet another electrical appliance the doorbell rang and in the pissing rain and freezing cold stood an equally looking disheveled looking woman who was carrying my Macbook with a towel to stop the rain from melting through. She looked really flustered after probably trying to find my room in the cold and rain and so me being the English gentleman I had no other instainct but to kindly offer her a hot beverage from my bacteria infested kitchen.

However this being Japan and me not having internet porn for 10 days I simply signed the form, slammed the door in her face and unwrapped the box like a kid on Christmas day. And just like that kid waiting for those toy cars, you can fuck being a good boy now and let your emotion of excitement pour forward

Even though I knew the contents of the box, I still had the awe inspired gasp of being totally gobsmacked by some silver brushed metal, a few clumps of wires, and a CD.

The thing itself is completely free of painstaking installation and although it had trouble recognising my internet connection I was able to start using it in a matter of minutes. First impressions are that I was impressed. The next few hours, sorry the following 9 hours - I would spend re-downloading my entire music collection that was on my stole Ipod and which would go on my new one bought from Shinjuku. I use a nifty little programme called Transmission, which basically acts as a torrent downloader compatible with most of the torrent sites online at the minute.

Although I don't wish to be one of those beaming self-styled "Macbook" aficionados who whine incessantly about how great their little toy is and how Vista sucks, I must admit I really am happy with the purchase I made and it seems to suit my needs perfectly. Although I'm not close to marrying the damn thing, I think we are on about second base right about now.

Still its not all love and romance though, the only annoying thing that I have really discovered on the system is the annoying process of finding compatible software and having to learn the "mac" way of things such as taking screenshots, using the little touch-pad at the bottom and having to run various things. Overall though, my Mac experience is about 98% positive!

Want to see it in action? Well how's about this post-modernist photo of me writing out this blog post ON my new Macbook Pro. Take that dada-surrealism!



So with a new Macbook and a new Ipod the bank account is not looking great. This is basically my scholarship for this month, although sadly as Crimbo now approaches I have several other big things that need paying such as the gas bill (which has been burning 24-7 since the weather got cold here) my commuter ticket renewal (which gets reimbursed but still has to come out of my wallet) and also my ticket to Osaka!

Yes that's right! I'm going to Osaka/Kobe for Christmas and I'm gonna visit Himeji castle as well! All thanks to the wonderful Seishun 18 kippu, which I'll hopefully blog about later.

PS: Hisashiburi ne? Guess I have must have been studying hard... Or not at all. Most likely the latter. Those kanji are not going to learn themselves sadly.

Wow. Well sadly the blog was supposed to be updated regularly during my first few weeks in Japan. But sadly to my horror I discovered my flat wasn't equipped with the internet, meaning a three week stay of execution from the world wide web. Well anyways, I am now in the swing of things at uni here in Japan and have a great 100mb fibre-optic line into my room. So I'll just give a quick rundown of my previous three weeks in a general summise.

Where I'm living.

I am living in the pleasantry comfort of a place called Ikuta, in northern Kawasaki just a little under 15 mins away by train from my university in Setagaya. The place is basic as hell and so far I've had two cockroach attacks (one on my first night!) The town itself is pretty small but home to lots of students, as its situated near to one of Meiji University's campuses. In fact I can see one of the buildings from across my balcony.

Its also pretty cool as most of the people living in my little appartment/guest-house are mostly Japanese. There are a few Taiwanese and one Indonesian I think.

Seijo

So far the experience has been a little awkward, especially given that I am one of four, yes FOUR exchange students here. This means that many people know me, but I sure as hell don't know them. Whilst its nice have some form of minor celeb status its really annoying and sometimes a bit off-putting. One thing I'm slowly having to get used to is the constant staring when I'm walking to class, eating lunch or basically doing the most mundane, banal crap imaginable.

Every Monday and Thursday at lunch-time we have these little language/cultural exchange things with our Japanese teacher, where obviously we get together and speak Japanese and chat with Japanese people. Whilst this is good, again its a little awkward because there are so few exchange students. Last week, it was me fielding rapid-fire questions from four girls. It was kinda embarassing, especially when your Japanese fails you.

This was the same for our orientation three weeks ago, when some of the students showed us around the campus and Seijo itself. it was like 4 people to say something like 20 people. Argh. But I seriously can't fault them, they were fantastic, I just felt sorry that all their hardwork and preparation was for just four people.

The students you meet here are completely fascinated by you though. You end up wanting to do something else and suddenly it turns into a conversation about what Japanese food you like and where you want to visit in Japan. Yesterday, whilst i was at our exchange office, I was randomnly introduced to a girl who was interested in going to Sheffield next year as a exchange student. After about a minute, the conversation veered from Sheffield and suddenly became about me and what my hobbies are.

Whilst I am on the subject of that, the academic staff here at Seijo are just unbelievable. They will go completely out of their way to help you. They'll help you sign up for societies, help you sign any tricky forms in Japanese and show you around campus and help you out with absolutely any problems you have as a forienger in Japan. Although the uni here is small (something like 5,000 students) one of the benefits is that the staff know you pretty well.

As for the whole 'international bubble' that some people maybe having as a student in Japan, I can safely say that is not the case at Seijo. With the exception of one of my teachers, two of the exchange staff and select bunch of cute girls in one of my classes - practically no-one speaks English here. And that is not an understatement. They just don't speak it and when they do, its kinda basic - although I am finding that they are very reluctant to speak it, even when their English is really good.

Its great for me though to practice Japanese, although it is very, very tiring sometimes.

The classes

So far I am taking four classes, 日本語Ｂ (Nihongo B), 日本語コミュ二ケーション (Nihongo Communication), Contemporary Society and Anthropology of Japan.

Nihongo B is basically our grammar classes, hosted by Toyama-sensei, who is really lively and makes the classes at least half interesting despite the easy content. Because there are no placement tests at Seijo we are pretty much doing first year grammar which is really annoying, because its painfully easy. However the stuff like speaking Japanese in class and to the staff, students etc kinda makes up for that. Seijo is a really good place if you wanna improve your spoken Japanese.

This is highlighted in Nihongo Communication, which unlike Nihongo B, is really fecking hard. We get tons of vocab for this and are expected to start speaking in Japanese throughout the class, discussing various topics and commenting on things. Its a really rewarding class but its such a pain due to its intensity and the content.

The other two classes are sorta special modules which we have to do and are kinda pointless. The only good thing is that they are with regular Japanese students. One is in English and the class there (which is full of Japanese girls - yes I know what you are thinking, but please don't say it) is more about learning about our various cultures and acts as a sorta cultural exchange thing. Sad thing is, only three of the four exchange students take it. The other girl who is French doesn't have to do it, meaning again its about four Japanese to one foreigner. Last week I didn't go because of a prior engagement and one of the remaining two exchange students was sick, meaning that only one turned up! All that cultural exchange nonsense for nothing. Honestly, the module is kinda crap and I'm only taking it because there are hot girls there. What? Oh shut the fuck up...!

The remaning module is kinda cool and I've made some friends in that class already. The only problem is the content. Its mostly what I did for Contemporary Japanese Society at Sheffield last year. Its a bilingual class meaning we talk in English and Japanese and is chaired by Toyama-sensei, our incredible driving force in Seijo so far.

To add to all this, our classes are 90 minutes long, and we do two back to back, meaning I do three hours of consecutive Japanese every morning except Wednesday. Quite frankly it just kills you and makes the 50 minute lectures I get in Sheffield, child-like in comparison.

The Japanese

I can't faul them really. They are really great. But the only annoying things are the out-right xenophobic/annoying stuff tends to come from my two greatest enemies, school-girls and old people. Generally, schoolgirls think of you like some type of hilarious doll to look at and giggle whereas old people have mixed opinions but mostly seem to stare through you with a glare of steel that suggests "get the hell out of my country!" whenever you make a culutral faux-pas. ouch!

Fyi though: The girls here in Tokyo are smoking hot. But that's not the reason I'm here. *ahem*

Food

Taking a while to get used to. So far I'm liking the food in Seijo cafeteria, its really good value and really yummy. Plus the rice in Tokyo is smoking hot. But that's not the reason I'm here. *ahem*

I've managed to lose about 4 kilos in weight so far, thanks to Japanese food which is a lot less lighter in terms of fat content, plus the fact I am sweating out the remaining energy through walking everywhere and this stupid humidity.

Typhoons

Well, Typhoon Melor, or 'number 18' if you are the boring Japanese has just passed after battering its way across the main island of Honshu. It was fairly scary but nothing encroaching a major disaster zone similar to the one in the Phillipines recently. The amount of rain that fell was more worrying than the wind, which was most violent at about 7am this morning once the rain had subsided. Thankfully, my classes were cancelled today so I was spared from having a treachous journey into campus. Sadly the puddle outside my door is still there, although I really don't know how the hell my room did not get flooded. Japanese houses are really built for this type of weather though, meaning that as a British person I wasn't fearing a disaster like whenever the UK gets any strong weather.

Once the typhoon had passed about 12pm JST, the skies brightened up and brought with it those lovely gusts of warm air that had greeted me when I first arrived in Japan. The foreceast now looks really good for the rest of the week, although there is still a little bit of intermitment shittiness in the skies.

Overall, the weather is a lot nicer than the UK. Especially on a night, when you can walk around in a t-shirt and not feel really cold. But I will not hear any comments from a Japanese person that it rains too much in the UK!

Conclusion

My first few weeks in Japan have been pretty eye-opening and much of it getting into the swing of things and doing various mundane things, like registrating as a foreigner and sorting my phone and banking out. I've not had much chance to visit any of the real touristy places yet, mainly due to time constraints and not getting my scholarship until November. So far I've been to Yokohama, Shibuya, Shinjuku and Akihabara. I'm really finding it hard to find the time to actually STUDY japanese despite the fact I am using it every day know. I think my grammar has hit a top-level now and right now I just want to cram vocab like there is no tomorrow as it is the one thing escaping me right now. So whilst, being in Japan is certainly cool, especially being just a 20 minute train ride away from Shinjuku, its a little bit of balancing the books between asobi and study. So far, its something which I'm trying to work out and perfect in the coming weeks. I still feel a little bit like a tourist rather than a student. Despite what my passport says...

Yes I'm in Japan!

Its come as a bit of a shock really as the time has flown by and I can't believe I'm here. No more than three days ago my world was shook upside down by the story that I was getting a JASSO scholarship of around 80,000 yen a month (albeit half of last year's figure due to the recession) and then because of this, I got told I would be relocating to Kawasaki instead of Setagaya. This, THREE days before I was supposed to leave. Not the best of timing really.

And thus the Friday that news was broken came Sunday - the day I leave this beautiful country to say hello to a country I am being told I should love.

Well it started with a bang really and I can't believe its so soon since I said goodbye to my parents and I am here now in Tokyo - the fair capital of Japan. What the hell happened? How did it happen. Is this a dream?

The day started with me getting on a domestic flight from Newcastle to London Heathrow and then onto Tokyo-Narita. The first leg started off well as I went through without any hassle. The guy didn't even bother to check my passport because it was a British one. More worrying is that this was a case and not even the real passport. Oh well.

Once we landed in Terminal 5, I decided to try and craftily go through some lifts meant for security personnel. Oops and then almost took the wrong train to terminal 3. Double oops. However the triple oops and the unbelievable strike-out for dumbness came when I tried to check into the JAL flight and couldn't find my passport. 5 minutes of frantic searching and pure embarrassment, I forgot I had hidden in the many layers of my laptop case. These layers and the notorious passport grab will come to haunt me through the entire procedure of Japan so far.

So after some quick beers and a stroll around Heathrow - which might I add was absolutely boring, I boarded a 11 and 45 minute flight. Yes an 11 and 45 minute flight. Let me just say this, there is no way in hell I'm doing that again - with that leg room. Fine for a small Japanese person. But I'm lanky gaijin twat so there is no way I'm doing that again for fear of my legs becoming crippled by a lack of blood. This thing is getting upgraded to premium economy the moment I fly back. I don't know how I survived. It felt like I was on the flight for days just getting to Estonia, let alone the middle of Siberia.

I ended up watching the new Wolverine film, which was shit, and then Night at the Museum 2, which was equally as shit and then Angels and Demons which started off alright but then descended into the realms of shitness. Thankfully only back to the future 2 (with Japanese subtitles saved the day) but sadly it was too late. I was about to land in Tokyo, well Chiba which is bloody miles away.

I don't know why, but you think once you reach the eastern edge of Russian you think you should be there in Japan in no-time, which is a load of bollocks really. It takes bloody ages, although actually flying over the island of Japan, from Niigata to Chiba is really really short - sometimes you forget how small the island is in terms of width.

Once you land in Japan, the Japanese efficiency machine kicks in and let me tell you it fires off like an electro beam of smiles and 'okayusama' (honoured customers.) If only I wasn't so stupid not to fill the customs and entry forms out I would have been through even quicker. Firstly, was the infra-red scan to check for swine-flu with plenty of Japanese staff on board wearing masks, handing out their own little masks and generally striking the living fear of god into your lungs. Then onwards to the immigration check, and IF you fill out your card properly it takes about seven seconds even with a student visa. One fingerprint check, one photo of my ugly mug and a nice 'thank you come again'. Then, you go to the customs deck and IF, you fill out the card properly it takes about seven seconds even with a few bottles of vodka. *hic* This process was complicated by me, putting my passport away as some sort of bizarre security reflex only to have it removed again at every single check-point.

By this time of fannying about with the patented passport reflex, I was busting and then burst into the nearest lavs right across from my baggage claim area. The odd thing is, Narita provided the standard western toilet and the good ol' squat and thrust methods you see outta of the early Meiji period or the rural areas of France. I was busting, but I was not busting to go whole hog on the whole cultural experience of shitting in a traditional loo on my first few seconds in the country.

So after releasing a gigantic camel-style 11 hour 45 minute piss collection out of my bladder, I hurried out to the baggage claim to see that I was one of the lucky few to have had their bags singaled out for the "IS THIS YOUR LUCKY BAG?" draw. Yes! I must have won something. Well no in fact, the dreams of a nice 50,000 yen cash reward or even two weeks in Okinawa was simply a JAL company point of telling you that you were too bloody slow to collect your baggage, otherwise we will sell it off as a cash prize. Cue lots of shouting by the staff in keigo. Wonderful stuff.

Out of the arrivals and you head straight into the main area where you can buy Narita express tickets. Narita Express is great, not only is it relatively quick and easy, but its air-conditoned and it heads straight to the major stations in Tokyo. Not bad for around 20 quid (2900 yen-ish) It also passes quickly over the Shibuya crossing, which sent my heart a flutter after the rows and rows of the grimey Chiba landscape. True that's Japan but you want something a bit of a 'wow' factor once you get to Tokyo. The experience of landing at Narita is kinda underwhelming really as you don't pass over Tokyo and you don't see jack from the airplane. You may as well be landing in Shizuoka really, sorry Shizuoka.

Its all a bit surreal really. Shinjuku. Just walking through Shinjuku station is mental. The amount of people, the amount of young girls wanting me to buy anki-pan. The amount of mobile-phones. The amount of trains and exits. After a while I did find my way out after traversing what seemed like endless streets and shops. Shinjuku is not really a mind-blowing district of Japan but it is very very Japanese with its endless little shops and restaurants, large scale buildings and lots of hustle and bustle - but no way near Shibuya levels, which is where every single young person goes on their nights out.

The hotel I'm staying at is not far from the Hanazono shrine, but the thing is there are two problems to getting to my hotel successfully. Firstly, there is the distance, which although appears small on the map is bloody mind-numbingly quite far in Tokyo. And secondly, there is the fact that muggins here is carrying a giant fucking laptop, several items of electrical equipment, a 15kg rucksack and some duty free. Its just a bit of a disaster really. Argh. Anyways, I found my hotel, because thankfully they have a gigantic sign which you see right from the other end of the Meiji-dori. You really cannot miss it. The joys of booking with a decent hotel has paid dividends. But don't let that fool you, its as the Japanese say 'taihen kurushii' (bloody painful)

So I checked in and once again had to the gaijin-thing of registering my passport number and then had to go through the process of juggling bottles of alcohol and paperwork but by this time the passport reflex was at a much higher level and I managed to whip out my bad boy and sign the forms.

The room I'm staying at is pretty small, very small by western standards. However this is probably a private condominium in Japan. Its just a bed and as all you sad bastards are aware of, a fucking creepy toilet too. So I set down my things and within two seconds I had managed to select the porn channels on the TV, completely unintentional mind you. *ahem* I just farted around with trying to find the volume and instead hit the 'yuu-ryou' (pay per view channels.) Thankfully I didn't decide to go further and pay some extra yen to see some pixelated blurbs spit roasting a Japanese girl. They give you one free minute and after that it tells you to pay. Incidentally if you do want to pay, you have to go out back and put your money into a vending machine to get a card which allows you to watch it. I'm not joking btw... and no I did not do this.

Because it was really late I headed up for a small ten minute walk to the konbini I passed, which is sort of a midget konbini really as it just stocks small little items and is dwarfish to a regular Lawson you see dotted around Japan. Anyhoo, I ended buying two bottles of coke which came to a pound each (welcome to Tokyo Rich) and some bizarre snacks and treats which altogether came to about £7.50. I can't be arsed getting a meal. Its about 7pm local time and I'm just tired and a bit thirsty. Shinjuku will be there for a while at least.

Weather-wise I can't see the fuss. It is eaxctly like the UK. Its humid but not killer humid. It was a cool 24 last night and it stays this way most of the night and without the sun you can hang around with a t-shirt watching men stroll out of izakaya's across the road for some cafty cigs as the hordes of keitai-toting girls line the streets. Its not hot, but its not cold either. Its just ideal strolling weather.

Well tommorrow is an even bigger day. I have to locate the Odawara line in Shinjuku station, which is not part of the JR line and hence a bastard to find and then head out to Ikuta and ring up my Japanese hosts who will accomodate me in a nice little mansion (aka: flat) in the outskirts of Kawasaki, which is about 6km from my university in Japan (about 20 minutes on the train) and about 30 minutes from Yokohama, again a city I know little about, was promised something there and so far have been shot in the stomach by a certain little miss ignoremelots over there. I hope to good I run into her in her place of work, I hope I make it look catastrpophic as well - especially if she refuses to acknowledge I exists. For I am okaykusama now. Haha. Oh well, that's another story for another day.

26 hours and no sleep, so I'm off to bed to nurse a bit of this jet-lag. Jaa ne.

Well today (or tonight) Japan has decided to shoot themselves in the foot by electing Yukio Hatoyama as the new Prime Minister. The news is impressive because it ousts the LDP (Liberal Democratic Party) after over 60 years in power. The DJP (the democratic party of Japan) has won with a land-slide victory, ushering a rather uneasy change and shift in political power.

I don't think foreigners need worry though, if anything the new party is going to bend over backwards to make sure Japan gets ruined by foreign influence in Japan, especially from China and Korea.

The BBC however decided to report the party as 'young' and 'vibrant'. A significant change in power, even going as far to compare it to New Labour's election in 1997 and Obama in the US.

I almost choked....

What? Am I reading and understanding this the same way? 'Young' - Hatoyama is in his 60's. 'Vibrant' - Hatoyama is the stiffest most wooden person in the world. A plank has more charisma than he does. So maybe they are 'fresh'. Fresh? Hatoyama's grandfather was a prime minister in the 1950's and he comes from the same political back-scratching background as the staid and corrupt politicians from the dying oligrachy he claims he wants to oust. He studied at the most prestigious university in Japan and holds a PhD from Stanford. Yes, a real socialist, a man of the people.

Hatoyama represents a real worry for Japan, because he is an alternative purely because he is an alternative and nothing more. Embittered and battled current PM, Taro Aso probably offers no answers to Hatoyama's questions but does it not discount the fact that Hatoyama doesn't really know what the correct questions are in the first place. Only late into the election process did the DJP ramp up their own manifesto than simply billing themselves as 'seiken koudai' (a change in government.)

I think Hatoyama's policies are brilliantly shown here (albeit in a LDP advert) where Hatoyama is serving patrons in a ramen restaurant. If you don't know the context, ramen is a highly popular noodle dish that contains many different types of things with many local variants. Japanese people are very proud of their local ramen and what goes into their ramen.

Woman: Excuse me.
Hatoyama: Ah welcome. Its been a long-time. You know, I'm not just some mouth-piece, I'm working on some policies.
Woman: Well, can you please show me them?
Hatoyama: This restaurant's specialty! Which is my manifesto!　It is the one thing that will win me the election. *shows her a giant ramen dish*
First customer: Ah, there's not enough oil in this! (a reference to his attitude to potential dwindling fuel imports from the Middle-east)
Hatoyama: Don't worry, I'll add some oil.
Second customer: Err, excuse me. Should you being use that much oil?
Hatoyama: Ah okay. I'll stop adding oil.
Third customer: This is has no local flavour to it? (reference to the decentralisation of the government in rural areas.)
Hatoyama: Ah here you go, look. *adds various vegetables*
Fourth customer: There is no taste to this don't ya think?
Hatoyama: Ah, here you go look. *adds salt and soy-sauce*
Fifth customer: Please make this easier even for a child to understand.
Hatoyama: Well then.... I'll just sprinkle 26,000 yen's worth of furikake onto this. (furikake is a type of dried seaweed that you sprinkle as condiment. 26,000 refers to the potential tax increases as result of increasing child benefit costs)
Woman: Wait a minute. Isn't that a completely different dish from the beginning?
Hatoyama: No, no. This is the thing I showed you at the beginning.
Woman: Really?

Slogan: Just opposing the opposition, makes nobody happy.

Policies that do not sway. The LDP.

Recently I keep getting asked or often yelled at people "Why do you hate Japan", normally after that a "OMG" is added. These people often have no chin and tend to have no soul or sense of humour as well.

Now whilst I do enjoy a good ol' rant against Japan and Japanese related things now and again, I never said I hated Japan - so that's a clear illusion. I mean why spent all those ten minutes of life creating a blog with the word Japan in the title and rag on Japan, unless I was some sort of Chinese historical revisionist site.

To lighten the mood a bit against my previous no-holds bar rant against something Japan related here's why I actually like Japan and Japanese and why I am spending so much of my life doing what I do (even though it kills me somedays.)

1. Japan is actually quite a nice country. yes it has its bad-points but its one of the more advanced nations on the planet and is theoretically westernised. Its got a great eco-system and has nice weather compared to the UK.


2. Japanese people are very patient towards people like me who stumble around the language and culture despite a greta urge to learn more from it. They respond deeply to the inner souls and harmony of the group in Japan and have deeper respect other people because of it - unlike the UK with tends to shit over everyone else for the sake one big-headed twat. They do customer service as an art-form.


3. The language fascinates me. I find the language perplexing difficult and somedays I wish God hadn't invented keigo or kanji - but on somedays I just find myself wanting to learn new kanji and vocab and really start learning new stuff about the language, i find delving into the roots and backgrounds of words utterly fascinating.


4. The culture and history fascinates me. Japan is an enigma. One giant question mark that makes us want to keep asking questions. We never find the answers of course, but that's not the point. Its seeing the cultural and social idiosynracries work that makes you want to know more, but without ever the desire to completely understand it.


5. Japan offers me a future. Or at least a gateway to a wider world. It has offered me a large social life, both here and in Japan, it has increased my job-prospects and given me a much wider view of the world. by appreciating Japan, I can appreictae myself more.

6. Japan is the home of the zany, cool and the future of the world's technolgical advancements. Its home of the PS3, the Sony, the Panasonics of the world. Its leading the way foward with robotics and is a home for the world of tomorrow. To be a part of the technoligical future is exciting.


7. Japanese people are awesome. Yes the girls are cute and the guys are laidback crazy but you won't find any more insane people in the world. They are diverse mix of rock-dudes, fashion chicks, smart guys and gals and the absolute originals in this world. In short, they are really friendly and nice people.


8. The public transport system kicks arse! Its nearly always on time, and the trains go everywhere and anywhere. Well compared to the UK, its actually decent!


9. The food is the best in the world. Katsudon? Sushi? Ramen? Udon?


10. Japan, despite its flaws and everything else is still something so far from home. It is my academic love and my social interest and bond. And that is why I love it.

For everything I moan about Japan, there is just enough that keeps me wanting more. there are far too many things I could list about Japan that I really like. I never got the whole 'hate' thing though. Sure I can rant, but that's not hate, that's vicious scorn. Hating is like hating a child, you sure as hell can't say you favour it over your other children and you love it in equal measure as everything else. Its all about balance in my life, a balance that Japan is apart of; not simply a formation of.

I ♥ 日本

PS: there is not bit of sarcasm in this post.

"Narrow minds devoid of imagination. Intolerance, theories cut off from reality, empty terminology, usurped ideals, inflexible systems. Those are the things that really frighten me. What I absolutely fear and loathe."

- Murakami Haruki - Kafka on the shore.


Recently I'm getting slightly sick of these dreamers with narrow minds who think they can waltz into Japan and change it in someway. They are invariably the hapless idealists, a loose mashing of the wapanese and those nonsense do-gooders who like scratching around the floor on their backside, sticking their failed sociology degree nose up the rectum of other people's business. Japan seems to be suffering from a tremendous bout of illness which has manifested itself as 'Ignorance of Japan' - which for today's analysis I am labelling 'Japgornace' for nothing more but stylistic effect.

You see Japgornace is a disease, borne out of the remnants of nihonjinron which has worked its way across the continent and mutated alongside a distorted ideology of self-hate, loathing and anger towards ones own culture and way of life which itself is borne out of our own British colonial values and opinions.

We (and by we I mean British, sorry Americans, Australians and whoever) have longed for centuries to escape our rainy grey and sodden island and seek pleasurable avenues elsewhere. It surprises me somewhat why people would choose Japan as the vehicle for self-fulfilment and discovery. Out of all the wonderful little micro-nations and despotic tin-pot states across the globe; Mautirius, Suriname, Hong Kong - they sound unbelievably decadent, warm, exotic and so distant from this little place we call home in the UK. Japan has become the new 'popstar destination' for many travellers and academics purely for its low crime levels and isolated history and culture.

The sad fact is those who choose to leave the UK and undertake their cathartic lovespan to Japan, do so without ever realising the harsh realities of what this undertakes. Those who have undertaken the academic path to Japan travel on the err of cynicism, but do so with some level grounding in culture. Those that go on the blind romantic whim can always be turned loose but can fall on solid ground. But these are not my enemies, these are not the persona non gratis that are boiling my stomach bile. These are my friends, these are my pals, my buddies, my classmates, my nakama. My vehicle of hate is driven by the passengers of 'Japgornace'.

Recently, it is something I take with relish to abash these shamelessly wild of the mark proclamations about Japan and the Japanese. Its a nauseating whirl of sickness from people who are genetically engineered from the bones of otaku who seem to believe every Japanese girl looks like an anime character and wrapped around the meaty fleshy statements that the Japanese are the most wackiest and sexual obfuscated people in the world because they once stumbled upon a youtube link of a man inserting a probe shaped like a daikon upon a Labrador's anus. Its the same crass banality spouted from people with the intelligence of a grape and who think "Mock the Week" is the funniest thing on TV. Its not even nauseating. Nausea makes you sick. But my stomach is full of a sticky translucent glop of hate and anger that all I can do is perpetually choke on for hours on end.

Its not as if, I truly despise these people to the point of recruiting a lynch-mob, after all they can be contained, studied and frequently laughed at by a snobbish elite made up of myself and my imaginary Japanese friend called Takao. They are not the 'enemie totale' as they pose no risk or disturbance to Japan from a security level point of view. It is the new breed of nipponfilia, the so called "Shindokuo （新独男）" who actually intend to come to Japan, settle here, learn Japanese yet all the while believe and propogate these nonsense ideas about Japan to be true that is the biggest worry for the security of Japan's future.

I now seem to spend my darkest nights roaming the Internet, like a one-man crusade promoting the tyranny of the 'real' world to these people. Defending my corner against theories that believe Japan is one giant melting pot of fortune and wealth, where a foreigner can earn a shit load of money by teaching English, live in a three storey condominium in central Tokyo and have every piece of J-girl dousing themselves on their knees just to suck your fat juicy western cock.

If you have read up this point with no register of humour in your frontal lobe or shred of irony coursing its way through your veins, let me kill a few million illusions for you in a para second.

1. Thousands of soulless folks go to Japan every year and teach (read: 'speak' English.) You are not new, you are not different, you are not 'significant'. You are a stamp, you are a gaijin card, you are nothing but a katakana name with many individual hopes and desires but absolutely no outside reality. You are not different, you are not special. Everyone does not have a right to love you.

2. Tatemae and honne are essential in Japan to explaining why everyone can hate you. Japanese politeness is far firmer than British sensibilities but it still doesn't absolve a Japanese person for hating you, especially because you are either a 'shindokuo', 'gaijin' or simply 'an absolute wanker'. Just because the Japanese act polite doesn't mean they do so because they like you and are naturally attracted to you in someway.

3. Japan is hitting a recession. Japan is not in 1982. You cannot come to Japan with no qualifications, speak English and expect a fat pay-check. You are not a member of the Japanese Diet with an expense account.

4. Japanese is a hard language. I don't care if you've done JLPT level 4 and know 50 kanji and the kana and then think its easy. Congratulations, you are now at the level of a Japanese toddler. And the toddler probably has better bladder function than you do.

5. You don't need to speak Japanese to live/work in Japan. Maybe, maybe not. It all boils down to laziness, and if you are a shindokuo, you probably too critical to think of Japan as being a foreign country where they speak an entirely different language. You have probably never ventured to any country besides your own and have absolutely no understanding of the wider world. Japan is not an English speaking country believe it or not.

6. You don't need a degree to work in Japan. Well neither does a Filipino prostitute or a Korean labourer. And if you have this attitude, I really hope you spend the rest of your nights in Japan, sucking up salaryman cum in Kabukicho and working on a farm fertilising sheep in the middle of pile of a cow-shit on a Toyama farm in the summer heat.

It doesn't surprise me in many ways that shindokuo are mostly stereotypical obese wapanese/otaku who work in a petrol station convenience store spending their dreary nights reading some nondescript lolicon manga and opining for the dream day when all that hard-earned cash they have saved up, they can go to Japan and find a Japanese wife to translate their latest Shonen-Jump for them. They mostly don't have a degree, have no understanding of Japanese culture, history, society or more saliently; the language and ultimately they have no desire to climb the social moblity ladder, except in Japan - which offers that free of charge to every foreigner who comes through Narita immigration. In short, they know as much about Japan and the outside world as I do about the history of the Vanuatu's economic policies before the second world war. They wish to change Japan for the better, somehow believe that Japan is in need of a rigorous overhaul that they have the ultimate answer to and to which can only be resolved by the industrious economic input of someone who has spent their natural lives taking stock of the Mars bar collection.

Get a life, get a degree, and grow the fuck up. Japan owes you nothing, and you owe it diddly squat.

To shamelessly use the words of a famous art-exhibition in Scotland;

Kill your timid notion.

You may notice one of the link on the side of my blog:

http://www.his-euro.co.uk

HIS Europe are a Japanese travel agents who for want of a better word are 'awesome'. If anyone is thinking of going to Japan for a year to study/teach/sodomise young girls then I would recommend the above company. I booked a return flight for Japan for £499 with that company. Far cheaper than anywhere else I looked and they were lighting quick to respond to my request.

Beats STA travel by about some margin. So check them out.

Okay, shameless plug end.

I haven't slept for the past few days. I haven't showered for about a week either. All I can hear in my head is the sound of '99 Luftballons' and childhood memories of the Berlin Wall. I'm a nostalgic quivering wreck of nerves, a giant ball of sweaty pubic hair and alcohol fueled vitriol. I'm losing weight thanks to pure laziness and a desire to eat nothing whatsoever. I'm not even depressed. But I'm not even happy either... What the hell is wrong with me?

Hast du etwas Zeit für mich, dann singe ich ein Lied für dich...

Japan is now firmly on the horizon. My certificate of eligibility is winging its way to my doorstep sometime this week (bizarrely my Uni have decided to send it themselves rather than it coming direct from the Japanese government) and now its just up to me to finalise travel dates etc. Whilst I would love to go early, its a matter of studying and preparation. If I was to leave at the end of August or even the first few days of September - I would be going with zero preparation, both mentally and logistically. Simply put I haven't prepared much for Japan. I don't even know what I want to do when I get there. Erm yeah. The entire experience is kinda flat at the minute. Its like I don't care tbh, but at the same time I do but am powerless to change my opinions or mood. I don't know how I'm going to survive out there for a year, leaving the UK behind. I've still yet to feel excited about this. Its feeling like one giant inconvenience.

Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont, hielt man für Ufos aus dem All, darum schickte ein General

Japan is basically like one giant blur on the horizon. Something I've waited for two year but now the entire experience is leaving me with the mood of complete apathy. I'm more interested in leaving the UK and experiencing being a student elsewhere rather than experiencing Japan itself. Japan has just become a friend to me, rather than an intimate lover.

99 Kriegsminister...Streichholz und Benzinkanister.

My Japanese lnguage ability has taken a nosedive of late and I really, REALLY need to start studying again. I've simply forgotten so much and I need to get these fears out of my head. So much kanji, grammar and vocab - I've simply been to preoccupied with wasting time and have neglected the Japanese. My goals have simply not been set.

Well fuck that.

Ließen keinen Platz für Sieger, Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr...

That's not gonna keep me down.

Und auch keine Düsenflieger, heute zieh' ich meine Runden....

Because, tomorrow I'm back to these kanji and stomping Japanese to the curb.

Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen, Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden

You hear me Japanese? You are going to fucking die!!!!

Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen

*ugh* I probably need to get some sleep and possibly a change of song.

I'm typing this message at the minute and feeling like utter shite. My throat is red raw, my sinuses feel all blocked up, my lungs feel tired and my joints are swelling. Its fair to say I'm under the weather.

This is all magnified by the horrors of Swine Flu that is hanging around the world at the minute. If indeed, I am one person in a million to have contracted it, perhaps I should feel slightly lucky that I have been bestowed as one of the first thousand odd sufferers in the UK.

In all honesty, I think I have contracted what my Japanese flatmate had last week and its only just kicked in. The most annoying thing is, is that I'm trying to hit the gym three times a week and study Japanese at the library and this goddamn cold/flu/virus whatever is preventing me from keeping to my schedule. It might be God's way of telling me that I should be overweight and not be studying Japanese during my 'time off'. Well whichever way theologians and philosophers wish to mewl about it, I feel like absolute crap right now. I hope to this comedian up in the sky that it clears up soon. Thank God, I'm not feeling like this two months down the line, otherwise it may be quarantine in Narita airport time.

I would love to know how one surives in Sheffield without a laptop, an Ipod, a book to read or quite litterally in the case of me - absolutely nothing in my room.

This is the harsh reality facing me at the moment, as I sit all alone in Sheffield, flatmates deserted in a room that has been stripped clean, waiting for the soul-filling journey that will take me from the City of Steel to the City of Donny and then onwards onto Darlington, then home-sweet-home. The past 22 months or so have been the greatest and most emotionally challenging of my life and it is one to which I close a chapter to with thanks to the people who have made this possible, and then onto writing a new chapter with the large emblazoned headline of Japan, which will become the starting point of the next 14 months or so of my life.

Its very sad to leave the people I care about in Sheffield; close and random friends, inspirational guides, well-wishers, my teachers and lecturers and everyone else who has supported me in making this small dream become a big reality. What I am facing at the moment is a huge pivot in my life, the turning point not just for the here and now, but possibly for the rest of my life. I enter the tunnel as one man and will leave it as another - for better or for worse.

I start my life again at ground zero (albeit with a few friends and classmates in Japan to help me if I get stuck) and enter a mystical world which I do not see as the glittery lights of Shinjuku or the hazy sunsets of a cherry-blossom spring in Yoyogi Koen. I see this chapter as representing anything but Japan. Japan is merely a by-word, something that is environmental to my changing state of being, a changing state of my inner-self from one form to the next.

This change is confronting me with tons of emotions that range from dangerous interpretation and cynicism to childhood excitement and anxiety. Every single one feels like a sharp prickly pin-drop that pierces into my sweaty, clamoured body. It keeps me awake at night. Its all I ever think about. Not the journey of simply going to Japan - but the journey that will awaken me spiritually and emotionally. I hope that this journey brings me fortune, and helps me discover myself and what I want to do - because right now I am unsure of what the future brings to the table and whether or not I want to eat what is front of me regardless of how juicy it may seem to the person standing next to me.

Yes, I will miss Sheffield. I will miss everyone who has had a part in my life for the past 22 months. But ultimately, I am going to miss the person who is sitting here typing this and who leave the UK in the next 2 months. I will miss him. Because I don't know if 14 months from now, he will be the same person.

I am being told that Sheffield will not be quite the same without me, but I think it is me who will not be quite the same without Sheffield.

And it is that closing comment that ends this rather turbulent chapter in my life. Thank you Sheffield for all the memories, onwards Japan and the potential wonders it may bring.

Today was Canada Day (what do you mean you didn't know?) so to celebrate, I donned my Toronto Maple Leafs top and headed off to Whitby for some sun, sand and sex sunburn.

Whitby is a cracking little town. It takes about 1 hour on the train from my hometown - which is only because of all the little scenic stops along the way across the stunning Esk Valley. Its an beautiful added inconvenience in a sunny day such as today.

The photos are now on Flickr:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/24695970@N04/sets/72157620826086386/

The weather was baking hot, even though the day started off pretty cloudy. The entire UK is being slowly oven-roasted at the minute, with temperatures in the capital expected to hit around 35 degrees (!!!) Oh well, this gives me good preparation for Japan, albeit without the raging humidity. The UK gets about 50 to 60% relative humidity, whereas Tokyo averages slightly higher at around 60 to 70% - and trust me that extra 10% adds even more to the heat.

At the moment, I am planning more routinely for Tokyo now - given that its going to be slightly warmer than the UK. I won't be needing any winter wear most of the time, so big stuffy coats are a no-no as of now. I would imagine even in January, Tokyo doesn't get as cold as the UK does or can do. But still, I think am going on the basis of it will be like the UK + 5, the extra 5 accounting for temperature throughout the year.

Anyways, enough of that. I'm back off to Sheffield tomorrow to clean the flat, my room, get my deposit back, buy a backpack, possibly get some nandos, have some beer and then say my teary goodbyes. ;-(

Back on Saturday and into the 'routine' of using my summer productively, as of July 6th. Argh! These kanji and vocab are killing me.

I've just got my finances back from Middlesbrough LEA regarding my year abroad in Japan. Basically I've got £300 and then my parents must supply around £1000 and anything on top of that will be refunded back.

So therefore shipping, visa costs, travel insurance will all come to around that amount but things like shipping back from Japan and return flights during the year will probably be refunded back. Its all a little too embarrassing, given the fact I am left with no other option to seek financial compensation from my parents.

This all leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Had I not been altogether too hasty in going to uni and waited one year - my LEA would be paying for everything because I will be over 25. This sucks when I'm getting no scholarship monies and will have to look for work in Japan. Fuck whatever immigration and my uni are saying - if they don't want me to physically fucking starve to death in Japan they should have gave me a scholarship. I'm also slightly worried about my accommodation in Japan. Unless the rent is below 30,000 yen a month I am fucking screwed. In the odd case that Seijo decide to screw me over with the accommodation costs I've found a decent gaijin guest house in Suginami, which works out a bit cheaper than Sheffield.

Bah! My only salvation is that NEXT year will be awesome, because I'll be getting the full amount plus a huge non-repayable amount of £1000 for being an old duffer. That money is going direct on a trans-Siberian journey to Singapore. Quite frankly Japan and the whole year abroad is looking like a pain in the arse financially. Altogether its seeming more of a one year inconvenience and less of this wondrous 'journey of a lifetime' that is opined by some and preached to by many.

A long time has passed since my last blog, so I'll try and be quick. Well firstly the good news is that I am confident that I have passed all my exams, as I have had no threatening e-mails sent to me (normally when we screw the exams up, we are given an e-mail from our head of year demanding, sorry requesting a chat to discuss what happens next.) So thankfully that hasn't happened, and I am freaking happy that there are no new e-mails in my e-mail box.

However one message I would like in my e-mail box is one from my university in Japan. The last time I had contact with them was back in Easter when I sent my stuff off about my finances. So far, I have no idea where I will be living in Japan next year or when or if I can come to Japan. Right now, I am waiting for the Certificate of Eligibility, a piece of paper that allows me to apply for a student visa at my local consulate - which incidentally is in Edinburgh. It seems out of the 30 odd of us going to Japan, only three of us have to apply for our visas there. After the horror stories of the embassy in London as well as having to potentially wake up at 5am and drive for 6 hours - its a welcome relief I only have a 2 hour drive to Scotland. I've also heard the entire procedure at Edinburgh runs a lot smoothly given the smaller numbers of applicants for Visas up there.

If all goes to schedule (so far Seijo have been really quick and easy with any queries and paperwork) then I should have my certificate sometime in about 3 weeks.

Currently my short-term goals are to lose weight for Japan and also to get cracking on this vocab and kanji. My vocab has gotten increasingly shit as the 2nd year has trudged on and its something that is going to pull me down in Japan.

At the moment Sheffield is a picture of slow death. Nobody is here except international students, postgraduates, people who have failed and are studying for resists and then of course an usual hybrid of International postgraduates who are resitting. (!) So basically the whole student lifestyle and running into random people you know is probably gone for a while. Sadly its going to be gone for quite a bit. A sad fact of life is many of my friends outside my course will probably have graduated by the time I come back, meaning that for Year IV of my degree in Sheffield will probably be ground-zero again. Oh well, its been two years of fun in Sheffield, a time of fun coming to an end and a time that I probably will never get again. I just can't describe how fun its been and how much I've really enjoyed it in a disappointing yet rewarding kinda way. I suppose all of these sad emotions is the price I pay for going to Japan for a year. And that is something most people would probably give their right testicle for (I know my flatmate would!)

Anyways, Japan is something like 70 odd days away and I have a wide-open summer ahead of me. I just want to get back to my hometown, get on my bike and think about other things now. My mind is slowly leaving the life of Sheffield now, even though my body is still here.

* I definitely don't understand women. But then again, I'm not supposed to.

* I need to get out my current malaise and start partying - because studying Japanese is grating my tits.

* And on the notion of that, I need to start exercising and eating right as my tits are getting bigger. Subway, KFC and McDonald's does not constitute a balanced diet.

I've also become something of a staunch anti-Japaner now. Well, I've become more crustier and bitter than I was before. Where has my joie-de-vivre gone? Am I as really self-loathing as I feel? Surely not?

In summary I need to forget about women (they aren't worth it), forget about Japanese to the extent it is giving me panic attacks (again, it isn't worth it - well it is, but you get the point) and start to rediscover my passion which has been zapped out of me in the past two months. I really want to shout "FUCK JAPAN" really loud in my room right now - but my flatmate might be in earshot and hear my evil plans to bring down his country from the inside whilst masquerading as someone who genuinely gives two shits about his country.

Oh shit, I've gone and spoilt everything now. I can hear the secret-hypocrisy police sounding their way up the stairs to come and send me to the immunisation clinic where I can be injected with some of that nauseating serum that makes me think of Japan as that wonderful candyland with gumdrop trees and pedophile rapists.

This week Richard is... attempting to form a polemic on why Chinese and Japanese people exist only to discover its mildly racist and slightly controversial. Next week, I'll be attempting to ring up beloved Tenko actor Bert Kwouk and make accusations that I slept with his granddaughter. Which I did... and it was the best sex I've ever had...

じゃまたね。。。

This photo just about sums up the current credit crunch. In about 2 months, the value of the yen to the pound has gone from about 220 to 140. In short, my money is now around a quarter less valuable over there as it once was. Yet more reasons that I'm fearing this and next year.

For many people who don't know me. I normally shave once in every solar eclipse. To prove my 男らしい over the course of last year, I shaved the grand total of 3 times throughout the year. Shaving becomes an almost cathartic experience in which I remember the occasions like having sex, seeing as they are so few and far between. Sadly since July 3rd, 12:47 am I have been without my prized possession for sometime and am counting down the days that it can return. With a beard I look like a homeless person but without it I look like a creepy child molester. I'd rather look homeless than look like a damn pervert tbh.

For a few of my classmates, they are off to Japan this summer whereas yours truly is stuck middling amongst doing odd jobs and sods in the UK and France chatting to Japanese people over MSN until 6am every night. I really am counting down the days that I can return to Sheffield, although when I get there I will probably be sat in the IC, wondering when I can return home. Grrr.

If I was to look back on my first year in Sheffield I would say its been a mostly positive experience.

• I didn't drop out (more on that later) and managed to even obtain some decentish grades
• I met some wonderful friends from all around the UK and the world
• And I feel more confident about myself.

However, I had some quite negative experiences and certain cases of "should try harder." I really need to stay fit, because I've put on a lot of weight since last summer and even more so since the amount of kilos I lost sweating out my shirts in Malaysia in 2006. So, I need to keep more active physically and socially. Hopefully this where the gym, Badminton, Ju Jitsu and Japan Soc will help. :-)

I also need to study a bit harder. Granted my effort has deteriorated since I moved houses right before my exams and more so since I developed a nasty virus the week after Easter.

The only thing keeping me sane right now, is learning Japanese (so I don't forget everything!), chatting with Yukari on MSN (the Anglophonic, wants-a-boyfriend-fancies me-but doesn't-want-to-openly-say it Nagoya girl) and my diet and exercise regime (which although has improved since last week is still not perfect.)

Yes, it truly is a summer of boredom until the football season kicks off and I have something else to worry about. I have about 8 weeks or so until I return to Shef, so I need to start revising. Keeping in touch with my japanese friends is allowing me to maintain my level of grammar and now its just a case of attempting some more listening and kanji practice as well increasing my vocab. I can only seem to remember アイスクリームのように溶かす。And sadly given the current weather in the UK, won't come in handy anytime soon. However time is very much on my side, and being able to memorise this vocab, kanji and grammar should be beneficial given the very fast paced of my Japanese course.

This summer I was intending to go to Japan but pulled out at the last minute. I had a job offer to work the summer in Okinawa, but this fell through as they couldn't guarantee me to be back in the UK by the start of the 2nd year. The money I did save up, probably isn't enough and I am looking to spend it on travelling across SE Asia next summer. I'm intending to jump ship in July, visit my relatives in Thailand and work my way across Malaysia, Singapore, Vietnam, Indonesia and China, going all the way down to Hong Kong and then fly across to some country called Japan.

Let's hope in the meantime my beard returns, and with it some increased knowledge of the Japanese language and the complexity that it is women.

First post, so its probably a big HELLO to anyone who is sad enough to read this. My name is Richard, I am 23 years old going on 13 and am currently studying Japanese at the University of Sheffield.

Sadly despite my nerdish appearance (most of which is remembering information about world football) I still struggle to understand how you turn my PS3 off let alone messing about with a blog. I hope to write in both Japanese and English (if I can!)

じゃね。☆