Should have called my blog this in hindsight.

To prove how much I am committed to detoxing my MSN habit (bad women, bad thoughts go away NOW!) I have uninstalled MSN messenger and won't be installing it again until October at the very earliest.

We shall see how committed I am to this. I am truly sick of that thing now, its like a demon that won't go away and I'm fed up with uploading it to see who is online. Grrr. I remember doing a similar thing for while, and the first four weeks were a bitch, but now I hardly ever think of it. I guess the same goes for any addiction you have... I don't want to think waywardly any more. Let's see how far we can do this in conjunction with something that always takes my fancy. My wonderful beard.

Here goes the first photo in a truly wacky experiment. What does beard growth actually look like? The rest are going into facebook/Flickr in due course - but here is Day 1 to which I can look back against in a few weeks and see how well I have managed to stick to my agreed schedule.


I look very gaunt and pale tbh. Check out those jowls. However I look like I have aids or something. LOL. I look much older which is really strange as I always thought my beard made me look older! God I really miss my beard now! I also need some tea tree oil for these damn spots and my redness. Grrrr. off to the shops tomorrow then - and back to reading the salivating epic that is Language and the Lexicon.

I'm back in the UK now, armed with a shitload of beer to get a Rhino wankered and a stolen 30mm round from an Heavy Machine Gun (just don't ask...)

I'm still single regardless of what I say, and I'm still wondering why Gerrard never produces that kind of form for England? Both counts are frustrating for me...

I really need to get some sanity back into my life and stop hoping things will happen when they won't. To quote my long since departed friend (whose name shall remain nameless);

Only when you are happy with yourself, will you ever be happy with someone else.

Never a truer word spoken.

I'm itching to get back to uni and just itching to forget all this bullshit heartache that has panged me for the last 8 months. Hell, I'm single. I'm damn proud to be, and I'm not going to let it get in the way of what I'm going to do. Sadly, although I really like Yukari - she and I are will never be more than just good friends, even though I would love it to be more than that. But in my heart of hearts I want something more tangible, real and associative. I'll just be who I am, become happy and good things will happen to me. Being sure of it, makes it more likely to happen I reckon.

Anyway, being single does suck - and am I slowly learning to fucking love it. Only since I started uni and hanging around a lot of cute girls did I realise that I wasted a huge gap in my life since I broke up with my ex.

Here's my new uni resolution starting next week;

- Get the hell off Facebook and MSN (its not healthy to spend so much time peering at how sad other people are...)
- Get a g/f (easier said than done - I thankfully stayed single in the first year, which was a huge relief for all concerned.)
- Join a gym
- Join a sports society (probably Badminton or Jiu Jitsu)
- Find time to do something creative and constructive at least once a week
- Read a fictional book at least once a week.
- Get myself out to the pub at least once a week.
- Don't get drunk more than once a week (might nullify the previous if I'm stupid, but what the hell.)
- Yeah, don't be stupid.
- Eat healthy (no more stodgy fats and comfort food that makes you feel depressed.)
- ENJOY EVERYTHING (I may drop out, I may join the circus and become the next president of Nepal, therefore I have to keep a positive spin on things.)
- Finally, Take advantage of things given to you. And be more fucking socially active.

Man, that's a lot of things.

Anyway, I'm now in the process of writing up things for my new flat and preparing to get back into the swing of uni work by spending the next 3 weeks camped inside Teesside Library.

I still haven't received my timetable for the 2nd year yet, which is kinda annoying because I have to start planning what I can and can't do next year. It seems pointless volunteering to do something if I have a load of work to do or come off the backend of a seven consecutive lectures (well not really, but you get the point.)

Strangely this year, I will be having less contact time than I did in the first year. Last year I had four allotted things to go to for Linguistics and now I just have to stay awake during two lectures. However I am expected to read a shit load of books for it. I actually feel more energised doing this as last year I seemed rather perturbed by being forced to do my modules last year.

Lexicology still haven't released any info over times yet, so provisionally my timetable could be looking like this;

Monday: 9.00 - 10.00 - Japanese Grammar (you;d think this would be a pain, but you don't know my grammar teacher! ;-))
Tuesday: 12:10 - 13:00 - Japanese Grammar
Wednesday: 11:00 - 12:00 - Japanese
Wednesday: 13:00 - 14:00 - Lecture
Thursday: 10:00 - 11:00 - Japanese
Thursday: 12:00 - 13:00 - Lecture
Friday: 9:00 - 10:00 - Japanese

If sensei is reading this, I prefer the early morning affairs - because I'm usually more awake. Thankfully last year we had grammar classes at 12, 10 and 9. Hehe. Somewhere I have to sandwich in two lectures and I will happily pay for them to be on Monday, any time after 11am on Tuesday. I want that Friday free goddamn it!

Overall its shaping up quite nicely. I just wish MOLE would fucking update so I can have a gander around the files for next year. >o< I have managed to download the listening exercise for week 1 of Japanese and my reaction is...

Holy shit. Well I understood the basic gist and its about Bob (the legend of Sheffield) preparing to study for his year abroad in japan. The problem with my listening is that I always understand the least important bits and don't focus on the main stuff. Well, apparently his friends want him to do his best! Its not as if I struggle to understand what is being said it just takes a while for my brain to join the dots and get the overall picture. I need a lot of practice in this!

Lastly I am making changes to my summer travelling plans. It looks like I will not be going to SE Asia as planned and am deciding to shelve it until one year later (still going on the Trans-Siberian though) - more info on this soon...!

I remember Nagai-sensei (the legendary Japanese grammar teacher of Sheffield) was trying to explain to me the notion of being shocked びっくりする and used the example of, if I hypothetically went to her office and told her I will be leaving Sheffield and quitting Japanese.

Hmm. I suppose its always nice to have sensei on your side. My advice to anyone would be to speak to sensei and get her on your side. I suppose, ability will show but hard work will always shine. I'm sure even if you aren't the best at what you do, but give 100% and get help then that counts for something, and its something I'm always impressed with. The people who come with no Japanese ability whatsoever are the people I really admire the most on this course.

Overall I have mixed feelings over the second year, but if we have a more relaxed approach and smaller groups I may just feel that I have something worth fighting for... I will also feel pretty shit if some good people drop out, because there are such nice people doing this course and it would be a bastard to see them not doing the degree any more.

I'm just itching to start even though I feel very unprepared for all my modules so far. And for what its worth 上手じゃないよ！

Been so long wince I blogged my feelings and aspirations down. Maybe its due in part to my current job/holiday in France and also the fact I have nothing noteworthy to write because I'm stuck in a rut for 4 weeks until I return to my spiritual home of Sheffield.

At the minute, I'm suffering a crisis of confidence with my Japanese (mainly because I haven't studied at all for a week now.) I am also feeling pretty shitty about being single because its timeｓ like this, I just want to ring some girl up and do something mind numbingly boring. At least female company can keep me sane and not incessantly ruminating over my work.

So aside from ducking and weaving all these kanji compounds and vocab (*urgh*)　I am starting to plan my trip next summer. So far I'm working out the logistics and its going okay. I'm intending to make it up as a go along, although funds may hamper my attempts to backpack across SE Asia and most of Europe by train. I may negate visiting SE Asia altogether however I know I really want to go - even if it bankrupts me before I go to Japan.

And on the notion of that, I might not even go to Japan if I keep on feeling really low about my Japanese ability. I really want to pass this year, just to give myself a feeling that I am able to do this. I passed the first year okay - but something tells me until my exams in January, I still won't feel 100% confident about things. There is no question I feel much more confident going into this year than the first year. I feel a certain level of superiority now and almost a burden to be something greater. Maybe things will fall into place now, who knows... I have certainly got rid of my previous hangups now - and just want to slide into the second year and make the most of it. If I fail, I fail - but I want to do so without feeling like shit all the time.

Well, as for my round the world trip, I have sought out companies and providers who can get me to Moscow in 3 days from London (for the pricey sum of £188! which doesn't include visa fees for Belarus + 3 days worth of food) and now I have to work out the complicated matter of stopping off in Irkutsk (near Lake Baikal) and Ulan Bator before I end up Beijing. The rest may just be made up on the spot. Well, anyway - the very worst I can do is end up Beijing and tour around China until I go to Japan, although the trip across Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia is one I really want to do. If I could get to Moscow for under £100 on plane, I would happily negate my devotion to the train and end up flying. It might be much cheaper for me in the long-run. I'm not going to visit any of the countries I pass through (France, Belgium, Germany, Poland, Belarus) so maybe I should fly straight to Moscow instead.

Finally, Yukari said she would be coming to the UK in November. As much as I believe her, I don't think she will come (its very expensive for just one week.) I'm playing my cards close to my chest with regards to her at the minute, because something is praying on my mind with her. She clearly likes me, but we'll have to see how much she likes me. Women eh? Aren't they just the greatest?

PS: My contract for my flat was finally e-mailed and I'll be moving in on the 13th! Finally!

Conditionals are great, and more than likely you are used to hearing them in everyday speech. If I was a millionaire I would become rich etc etc. If Boro can win a match, I wouldn't be sad every fucking day etc etc.

なら

なら is sorta weird because its used in a similar sense to ば and たら however again the nuance is slight. Unlike the former two, なら expresses a similar sort of nuance to the following;

日本へ行く時に、新しい服を買うつもりだ。
日本へ行った時に、新しい服を買うつもりだ。

What do you mean, you don't know the difference? !!! Well, the first would imply that you intend to buy clothes before you go to Japan, whereas the latter would suggest you will buy new clothes after you go to Japan.

なら is sorta similar, in the sense it implies the required action and preparation before you do something in the conditional sense.

今夏中国に行ったら、「紫禁城」に訪ねたほうがいいです。
If you are going to China this summer, you should visit the "Forbidden City."
今夏中国に行くなら、お金をためたほうがいいです。
If you are going to China this summer, you should save some money (before you go.)

Get it?

Japanese is full of these implied meanings that underly the sentence.

ばいい

Sounds like a Japanese sheep doesn't it? This is a great little thing to use and effective once you know how to use. Sort of like the Rhyno gun on Ratchet and Clank.

If you understand the conditional ば to mean If (something) and the いい is good. Then of course the overall meaning would be "If X is Y, then it is good." Or there abouts. This type of construction tends to be used along with another conditional. For example,

道に迷ったら、交番に行って、けいかんを聞けばいいです。
If you get lost, all you have to do is, go to the police box and speak to the police officer.

My translation would be;

If you get lost, go to the police box, speak to the policeman and all is good. ^o^♪

I suppose for anyone deciding to study at Sheffield my advice would be;
日本語は難しくなったら、先生に話しに行けばいいですね。
If Japanese becomes difficult, all you need to do is go and speak to sensei.

ばよかった

Same as the above, but this expresses the regret at having not performed that action. Hence;

先生に話しに行けばよかったんだなぁ。
I wish I had gone and spoken to sensei. >o<

ばほど・だけ

This is hard to explain, at least for me. Its like, the more you do something, the more something happens. たとえば time;

日本語は勉強すればするほど、やさしくなる。
The more you study Japanese, the easier it becomes.
毎日運動すればするだけ、けんこうになる。
The more you exercise you do everyday, the fitter you will become.

Because many sentences in this type would require a resulting or changing state, になる and にする are often used. The basic construction of the sentence is;

XはVerb conditional+Verb dictionaryほど・だけ

I'm struggling to use this one, even though it is damn effective.

Volitional forms

The volitional kinda expresses funnily enough the speakers volitional or desire to perform a given command, or as expressed in Japanese (Let's do!):

はい！頑張りましょうね！^o^

This form is useful for certain constructions in Japanese.

ようとする

ようとする basically has two meanings.

The first meaning is to express the attempted action of something (and more often not, an unsuccessful attempt at that action.)

夕べ好きな番組を見るようにしたが、テレビが壊れていた。
Last evening I tried to watch my favourite programme, but the TV was broken.

The second meaning is to express the idea of something about to happen. It can be used as a conditional or a resultant clause with と　and たら・ば

ドアを開けるようとすると、妻が部屋に入って来た。
As I was about to open the door, my wife entered the room.

ようと思う

ようと思う expresses the idea as you would have guessed of thinking of performing a certain action.

今夏日本へ行こうようと思う・思っている
This summer I think/ I'm thinking of going to Japan.

Note the difference between the standard dictionary form of と思う and　the present continuous　と思っている. The nuance is slight and the latter perhaps suggests a continuing thought of performing the desired action. Its too hard for me to explain.

ように言う・頼む・進める

This is kinda similar as above and the verb should give you a clue. It basically means to ask someone to do something or suggest/request, depending on the verb. It can also be lovingly used with the passive form to create some great little phrases.

ウエートレスにシェフの名物を注文するようにすすめられた。
I was recommended to order the chef's special by the waitress.
医者に毎日果物や野菜を食べように言われた。
I was told to eat fruit and vegetables everyday by my doctor.
午前四時だので、友達に寝ように言った。
Because it was four in the morning, I told my friend to go to bed.