I've decided to resurrect my blog after some inactivity of about two weeks. Lolz. How time flies. The main reason has been the amount of work I've been doing and a general lack of 'can't be arsed typing out my feelings' syndrome.

At the moment things are feeling pretty shitty but at the same time they are going very well. The very things which are causing to me go insane are making me feel stronger and the things that are making me feel strong and causing me to crash down to earth with a sharp bump.

I've highlighted several things as I'm now officially back into the groove of uni.

1. I'm not going to get a g/f. I might if I try, but I just can't be arsed. There are lots of cute girls here, but I officially can't be bothered. When I try, I come off as desperate and when I don't - I end up seeming distant. Tbh, what started out as a priority for me has dwindled pretty fast. I also can't be arsed with the whole 'I'll be going to Japan next year, so see you later' type thing either. Ugh. I have decided just to make as many cool friends as possible and if things happen, then things happen. I just can't be bothered to hunt them down - as I well know, nothing good will come of that.

2. I've done 4 weeks of Japanese, and I've still not improved. For sure, I have learnt more kanji and grammar but this has pushed out all the old stuff. My listening is still bad and as for my speaking.... Its like talking with a mouth full of sodden ash sometimes. Sod it all I say.

3. I am almost 70% (well, maybe 90% certain) that I will go to Kansai for my year abroad, Kobe to be exact. After some researching and soul-searching it seems the best option for me. Hoo-dee-hum. It all depends on whether I will be allowed to go, or if I can bribe my YA co-ordinator. Our first really *big* meeting is next week, so this when the fun really begins. There seems to be a lot of apathetic people this year and maybe only a few who truly want to go to certain areas, so it would seem so utterly shit, if I wasn't nominated by my university and someone who was ambivalent about ending up at Kobe went there instead. Gyaaaarrrggh! If I can't go here, I'll try and sneak back to Tokyo somehow.

4. In contrast to no3, the whole YA (Year Abroad) seems like a cool novelty so far. As it stands, a lot of people will drop out after the exam and some people will end up getting scared off due to costs. At the minute, even yours truly is viewing next year with huge grey suspicion. Pass the first semester and you'll be fine I've been told. Yeah right.

5. I am detesting the size of my classes so far. It seems as if the guys who went before us (especially those who graduated last year and the current fourth years) had such great small groups. It seems as if we are suffering this year. Oh, and the JS newbs (japan studies freshers) have about 76 odd in their year. Christ, what a living joke.

6. Back to point 1. My friend Aya contacted me today and I was overcome with a sense of emotion. Okay, she might have been a bit humble when she told me that she doesn't think she will pass her year abroad exam, but a huge part of me is wanting her to fail - just for the completely selfish act of me being in Japan (or more to the point Kansai) when she is there. *sigh*. I really like her and she is very sweet - but the small part of my soul which is telling me to do the 'friend thing' first (that is to say, support her in what she wants to do) is coming to fore, more and more now. At the end of the day, I want what is best for her, and screw the practicalites. If we both pass our exams, our paths will cross - but we will of course still share some common bonds. Its a friendship I always want to maintain with her - because she is such a unique individual who I want to know until I'm old and grey. And I know that is trite, but she geninuely is an amazing person who makes me feel good about things...

Well in short: I love my flatmates, I love my flat, I love my course. I love my sensei, I love my classmates, I love my subject, I love the new Japanese people who come here, I love my inability in Japanese, I love my charming northern style, I love my intellect, I love being able to think about things that don't concern me, I love not giving a fuck, I love seeing the months fly away, I love everything, I love nothing, I love not havign any money, I love having student loans, I love buying drinks and getting drunk, I love people, I love me, I love YOU, but most of all I love my life at the minute - no matter how shit it feels at times.