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Yes I'm in Japan!

Its come as a bit of a shock really as the time has flown by and I can't believe I'm here. No more than three days ago my world was shook upside down by the story that I was getting a JASSO scholarship of around 80,000 yen a month (albeit half of last year's figure due to the recession) and then because of this, I got told I would be relocating to Kawasaki instead of Setagaya. This, THREE days before I was supposed to leave. Not the best of timing really.

And thus the Friday that news was broken came Sunday - the day I leave this beautiful country to say hello to a country I am being told I should love.

Well it started with a bang really and I can't believe its so soon since I said goodbye to my parents and I am here now in Tokyo - the fair capital of Japan. What the hell happened? How did it happen. Is this a dream?

The day started with me getting on a domestic flight from Newcastle to London Heathrow and then onto Tokyo-Narita. The first leg started off well as I went through without any hassle. The guy didn't even bother to check my passport because it was a British one. More worrying is that this was a case and not even the real passport. Oh well.

Once we landed in Terminal 5, I decided to try and craftily go through some lifts meant for security personnel. Oops and then almost took the wrong train to terminal 3. Double oops. However the triple oops and the unbelievable strike-out for dumbness came when I tried to check into the JAL flight and couldn't find my passport. 5 minutes of frantic searching and pure embarrassment, I forgot I had hidden in the many layers of my laptop case. These layers and the notorious passport grab will come to haunt me through the entire procedure of Japan so far.

So after some quick beers and a stroll around Heathrow - which might I add was absolutely boring, I boarded a 11 and 45 minute flight. Yes an 11 and 45 minute flight. Let me just say this, there is no way in hell I'm doing that again - with that leg room. Fine for a small Japanese person. But I'm lanky gaijin twat so there is no way I'm doing that again for fear of my legs becoming crippled by a lack of blood. This thing is getting upgraded to premium economy the moment I fly back. I don't know how I survived. It felt like I was on the flight for days just getting to Estonia, let alone the middle of Siberia.

I ended up watching the new Wolverine film, which was shit, and then Night at the Museum 2, which was equally as shit and then Angels and Demons which started off alright but then descended into the realms of shitness. Thankfully only back to the future 2 (with Japanese subtitles saved the day) but sadly it was too late. I was about to land in Tokyo, well Chiba which is bloody miles away.

I don't know why, but you think once you reach the eastern edge of Russian you think you should be there in Japan in no-time, which is a load of bollocks really. It takes bloody ages, although actually flying over the island of Japan, from Niigata to Chiba is really really short - sometimes you forget how small the island is in terms of width.

Once you land in Japan, the Japanese efficiency machine kicks in and let me tell you it fires off like an electro beam of smiles and 'okayusama' (honoured customers.) If only I wasn't so stupid not to fill the customs and entry forms out I would have been through even quicker. Firstly, was the infra-red scan to check for swine-flu with plenty of Japanese staff on board wearing masks, handing out their own little masks and generally striking the living fear of god into your lungs. Then onwards to the immigration check, and IF you fill out your card properly it takes about seven seconds even with a student visa. One fingerprint check, one photo of my ugly mug and a nice 'thank you come again'. Then, you go to the customs deck and IF, you fill out the card properly it takes about seven seconds even with a few bottles of vodka. *hic* This process was complicated by me, putting my passport away as some sort of bizarre security reflex only to have it removed again at every single check-point.

By this time of fannying about with the patented passport reflex, I was busting and then burst into the nearest lavs right across from my baggage claim area. The odd thing is, Narita provided the standard western toilet and the good ol' squat and thrust methods you see outta of the early Meiji period or the rural areas of France. I was busting, but I was not busting to go whole hog on the whole cultural experience of shitting in a traditional loo on my first few seconds in the country.

So after releasing a gigantic camel-style 11 hour 45 minute piss collection out of my bladder, I hurried out to the baggage claim to see that I was one of the lucky few to have had their bags singaled out for the "IS THIS YOUR LUCKY BAG?" draw. Yes! I must have won something. Well no in fact, the dreams of a nice 50,000 yen cash reward or even two weeks in Okinawa was simply a JAL company point of telling you that you were too bloody slow to collect your baggage, otherwise we will sell it off as a cash prize. Cue lots of shouting by the staff in keigo. Wonderful stuff.

Out of the arrivals and you head straight into the main area where you can buy Narita express tickets. Narita Express is great, not only is it relatively quick and easy, but its air-conditoned and it heads straight to the major stations in Tokyo. Not bad for around 20 quid (2900 yen-ish) It also passes quickly over the Shibuya crossing, which sent my heart a flutter after the rows and rows of the grimey Chiba landscape. True that's Japan but you want something a bit of a 'wow' factor once you get to Tokyo. The experience of landing at Narita is kinda underwhelming really as you don't pass over Tokyo and you don't see jack from the airplane. You may as well be landing in Shizuoka really, sorry Shizuoka.

Its all a bit surreal really. Shinjuku. Just walking through Shinjuku station is mental. The amount of people, the amount of young girls wanting me to buy anki-pan. The amount of mobile-phones. The amount of trains and exits. After a while I did find my way out after traversing what seemed like endless streets and shops. Shinjuku is not really a mind-blowing district of Japan but it is very very Japanese with its endless little shops and restaurants, large scale buildings and lots of hustle and bustle - but no way near Shibuya levels, which is where every single young person goes on their nights out.

The hotel I'm staying at is not far from the Hanazono shrine, but the thing is there are two problems to getting to my hotel successfully. Firstly, there is the distance, which although appears small on the map is bloody mind-numbingly quite far in Tokyo. And secondly, there is the fact that muggins here is carrying a giant fucking laptop, several items of electrical equipment, a 15kg rucksack and some duty free. Its just a bit of a disaster really. Argh. Anyways, I found my hotel, because thankfully they have a gigantic sign which you see right from the other end of the Meiji-dori. You really cannot miss it. The joys of booking with a decent hotel has paid dividends. But don't let that fool you, its as the Japanese say 'taihen kurushii' (bloody painful)

So I checked in and once again had to the gaijin-thing of registering my passport number and then had to go through the process of juggling bottles of alcohol and paperwork but by this time the passport reflex was at a much higher level and I managed to whip out my bad boy and sign the forms.

The room I'm staying at is pretty small, very small by western standards. However this is probably a private condominium in Japan. Its just a bed and as all you sad bastards are aware of, a fucking creepy toilet too. So I set down my things and within two seconds I had managed to select the porn channels on the TV, completely unintentional mind you. *ahem* I just farted around with trying to find the volume and instead hit the 'yuu-ryou' (pay per view channels.) Thankfully I didn't decide to go further and pay some extra yen to see some pixelated blurbs spit roasting a Japanese girl. They give you one free minute and after that it tells you to pay. Incidentally if you do want to pay, you have to go out back and put your money into a vending machine to get a card which allows you to watch it. I'm not joking btw... and no I did not do this.

Because it was really late I headed up for a small ten minute walk to the konbini I passed, which is sort of a midget konbini really as it just stocks small little items and is dwarfish to a regular Lawson you see dotted around Japan. Anyhoo, I ended buying two bottles of coke which came to a pound each (welcome to Tokyo Rich) and some bizarre snacks and treats which altogether came to about £7.50. I can't be arsed getting a meal. Its about 7pm local time and I'm just tired and a bit thirsty. Shinjuku will be there for a while at least.

Weather-wise I can't see the fuss. It is eaxctly like the UK. Its humid but not killer humid. It was a cool 24 last night and it stays this way most of the night and without the sun you can hang around with a t-shirt watching men stroll out of izakaya's across the road for some cafty cigs as the hordes of keitai-toting girls line the streets. Its not hot, but its not cold either. Its just ideal strolling weather.

Well tommorrow is an even bigger day. I have to locate the Odawara line in Shinjuku station, which is not part of the JR line and hence a bastard to find and then head out to Ikuta and ring up my Japanese hosts who will accomodate me in a nice little mansion (aka: flat) in the outskirts of Kawasaki, which is about 6km from my university in Japan (about 20 minutes on the train) and about 30 minutes from Yokohama, again a city I know little about, was promised something there and so far have been shot in the stomach by a certain little miss ignoremelots over there. I hope to good I run into her in her place of work, I hope I make it look catastrpophic as well - especially if she refuses to acknowledge I exists. For I am okaykusama now. Haha. Oh well, that's another story for another day.

26 hours and no sleep, so I'm off to bed to nurse a bit of this jet-lag. Jaa ne.

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