Hisashiburi doesn't really cut it does it? I've really neglected my blog recently due to a tremendous work-load and the previous three and half weeks of having no laptop. Eek! Several huge events have taken place since I last blogged. Only this simple smiley (m(_ _)m) can redeem myself for being so grossly negligent to the blogging community (aka my flatmate who stalks reads this blog via his Iphone.)

Well let me begin with a few things that has happened over the past few weeks, even months since I last checked in.

Firstly and perhaps majorly, I won't be getting a scholarship for next year. I wasn't "considered" for the Seijo one, so instead its gone to the other girl I'm going with, and I also was disregarded for the JASSO one. In fairness, I would feel a sense of guilt taking Japanese taxpayers money for being totally inadequate when it comes to studying. I didn't deserve free money and didn't get it. I'll leave the generous gifts of cash to my parents.

Which brings me onto point two. This resulted in a late Easter scramble for a bank statement of £6000 in order to apply for the Visa. This is because I need to show I can support myself whilst I am in Japan. The reality is, I can't - and it was only the generosity of my parents that has saved me. In the past few days, I have been sending a few e-mails off to my representative at Seijo University in Japan (the uni I will be at next year) and have just sent off my statement to him yesterday. I pray to god its acceptable.

In the process of point of 2, I noticed one thing, well two things actually. Firstly the lack of proficiency in English when dialoguing with my co-coordinator in Japan and secondly how this will affect my placement next year. I was told some minor horror stories of how Seijo is a completely Japanese place with minimal international students and very few staff who speak English. Bless him, his English was good and understandable, but not of course fluent to any degree. This is going to work in my favour a lot. I know many of my colleagues on my course who are being shipped off to huge, vast universities where there are tons of English speakers and its 'oh so easy' to drift into the international bubble and never get out. Going somewhere, where there will be a handful of native speakers (sure French and Belgian speakers may speak English - but its not their first language!) will force me to speak Japanese and integrate. This got me thinking about my own psychological barriers sometimes. I am a curious fellow in that I tend to shy away when I have borders or walls that can protect me, yet when I know they are not there (for instance, if I am alone in some foreign country or place) I turn into a really friendly and confident guy. I think I internalise this as me knowing I am unable to hide behind anything I use any social fear I have to my advantage. I am now, believe or not, starting to look forward to next year. Up until recently, I was either not thinking about it or totally apathetic about the whole experience. But now, looking at some photos, watching some news, reading some random info I found about how to use Suica cards etc, I am getting really really excited. Its fast becoming a nervous excitement due to the relative time scale. The past 8 weeks, since I hastily came back and had a date with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend has flown by, just mindblowingly flown by. When I come back after this Easter break, I will have very little time left. Around 6 to 7 weeks! Thankfully, I only have to two three hour exams to pine over, so I'm feeling a bit more relaxed when I did this time during Christmas.

Where on earth has year II gone? I would like to know, seriously... >o<

Point 3 is that things are going well with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend or friendwhohappenstobeagirl which ever way you put it. We are close friends and will continue to see which way our relationship goes, especially when I go to Japan next year. Certainly, the fact I will be there and she will be within accessible distance, means that its something that can be continued. Like I said previously, its just nice to have female company - but I'm not forcing anything. I've been burnt in the past and just want to enjoy things right now. I personally think both of us are happy where are relationship is at now. I'll leave the mindless skirt chasing to the rampant yellow-fever androids that seem to encircle me at Japan Society. Honestly, I can show 'em a ton of places in Tokyo they can go to if they want a nice J-girl to sodomise for a spouse-visa. Wow... did I really say that? But more importantly, are they actually thinking that?

Aye, point 4 is that although I am increasingly besotted with the idea of going to Japan next year, something is telling me its not for me long-term. But we'll see how that plays out. At the moment, I'm focusing on the short-term and want to see this degree through to the bitter end. I would love to work somewhere more progressive in Asia other than Japan, which seems to be ridiculously expensive and most definitely overhyped in its assumptions by us gaijin. I always think the people who believe the world begins and ends in Japan are the very same who think the world is flat and have such narrowed views. There are so many different cultures and people out there - and by telling yourself studying Japanese opens your eyes to a different culture is just self delusional - because for the most part, it reaffirms a certain narrowmindedness act of self-rejection to everything else in this world. The same people I see who study Japanese, do so and seem to distance themselves from any fixed reality.

This said, there are many people in my year and who study Japanese who are really awesome and are just wonderful, amazing people - who I believe will be rewarded for seeing the reality whilst being able to live the dream. A juxtaposition of metaphysical thought that I DO believe can be achieved when the word Japan enters your head. It is not a state of mind or being. Its just a word. The happy, calm feelings that enter your head are just something that Vonnegut would have you believe as there to simply counter the bad ones.

Point 5 is that I have decided when I come back from Japan next year is to enroll on an advanced TESOL course (Teaching English as a Second or Other Language) after I graduate. This gives me the advantage or a) having a degree b) having some teaching experience during my YA and c) having an actual qualification to show for it. This gives me the chance to work teaching English anywhere in the world once I graduate! And hell, who needs Japan when the world is my oyster!

So where does this leave me?

I am now determined to do the following when in Japan.

1) Be active when in Seijo, basically because it will look really bad when they find out they didn't sponsor me! I have also concocted an evil plan which I will reveal when the time is right.
2) Get a nice teaching job.
3) Meet new J-friends
4) Improve my spoken Japanese through 3) and 1)
5) Visit Yokohama with girlwhohappenstobemyfriend
6) Finally drink some scotch with Taka in Hiroshima.
7) Improve my Karaoke skills
8) See as much as Japan as possible
9) Discover Japan, reject it and then rediscover it again.
10) BLOG MORE!!!!

I still think 7) is m favourite, but most definitely I am looking forward to 9)...

Well all that is moot - because to get to Japan - I have to study! I am have decided to give myself a week off and will be back to the grind of kanji/sakubun/translation practice next Monday. Ugh.

See you later.