Me and my friend who shall remain nameless (although for arguments sake let's call him Shinji Murakawa of Tokyo/Golders Green) decided we would piss around on facebook and start creating fake accounts.

One such instance is where I created a fictional woman who was in love with Murakawa. Now, she has never posted anywhere else on facebook yet has seemingly received a bizillion friend requests - for someone that doesn't exist and is the deluded creation of me and my Japanese mentor. What's even creepier is that one of my created male personas (who I have written countless times into my short stories) has even had emails from completely randomn people either claiming to know him or commenting on his beautiful name.

His name!!!

There is no profile picture and no way to access what is actually on the profile page without being a friend! So what else is there? I guess his wonderful, yet rather dull and prosaic English name. His parents should be proud. If they existed or I could be bothered to create them of course.

Its times like this, that I just want to stay well clear of sites like facebook and treat everyone with huge suspicion. It seems that SNS's are now just divine vehicles were people show how fucking sad they are by having photos of them passed out at somebody's house (me notwithstanding) or them standing infront of Siem Reap to prove how much they are wasting their student grant and want the rest of their 567 friends to know how much better they are than you.

Over this time of facebook fraud, we've had some creepy e-mails and now me and Murakawa are wanting to take this a step further by culture jamming / annoying perverts by creating fake accounts for sites and seeing how many responses we get. One such site is a Japanese friends site. Its not an overt dating site and if you can keep your dick in your pants you can make some cool friends on it as I have done. Perhaps the fact that people are so desperate to find a J-girl online, shows that they could never do it in real-life and lack some type of social confidence, not just around J-girls but girls full stop.

In real-life of course, J-girls aren't stupid and unless you have possession of the gaijin charm you will get found out. They ain't stupid as much as Murakawa tells me and as easy as my Nagoya friend Yukari makes out. And yes, I have been 'out' with Japanese girls in the past, although my experience isn't as full as some -its possibly more so than most who have got 'yellow fever.'

I am tempted to test the water, by altering my account so it looks like I am a fun-time happy, even burikko J-girl who just wants some free eikaiwa. What kind of responses will I get? And does this offer a glaring insight into the mind of the community out there? Surely guys can't be after just one thing? Or maybe they are?

In the words of the late Emperor Hirohito...

Oh I do despair the folly of my army generals sometimes.

Its times like this that I hate to be a gaijin and even worse that I am self-confessed lover of foreign girls (although I am not exclusive to J-girls like some people.) I feel sorry for some J-girls who, are often blinded by their gaijin love, end up falling for complete pricks because they can't see the wood for the trees which is evident amongst most English people.

People often ask me: would I marry a Japanese girl? Probably would be the answer. It would kill my parents for 6 months though.

But would I make it my life's ambition that ultimately turned me into a walking bell-end?

Alas, even I am not that sad!

But sadly its inevitable - I shall be turning into a walking bellend soon, turning into a walking enigma that is the gaijin nanpa-machine come August 2009. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!

STTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMPPPPPP!